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Today we do deep drive into Extroversion vs Introversion. My youngest
daughter has been facing the following questions since 3 years
daughter has been facing the following questions since 3 years
·
Why are
you Shy/Reserved?
Why are
you Shy/Reserved?
·
Why are
you not conversing freely?
Why are
you not conversing freely?
·
Why are
you timid/mellow?
Why are
you timid/mellow?
Even in the young age, She always asks me, I am not good enough?. Not only
her, all the introverts are facing the same challenges from the society.
her, all the introverts are facing the same challenges from the society.
That is when, I started researching on this topic. I did read the Susan
Cain book, Quiet – The power of introverts and Adam Grant TED videos.
Cain book, Quiet – The power of introverts and Adam Grant TED videos.
Lesson Learnt from Susan
Cain TED talks
Cain TED talks
Susan Cain – The Power
Of Introverts
Of Introverts
About the Author:
Susan Horowitz Cain[7] (born 1968) is an American writer and lecturer, and
author of the 2012 non-fiction book Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop
Talking, which argues that modern Western
culture misunderstands and undervalues the traits and
capabilities of introverted people. In 2015, Cain co-founded Quiet Revolution, a mission-based company with initiatives in the areas of
children (parenting and education), lifestyle, and the workplace. Cain's 2016
follow-on book, Quiet Power: The Secret Strengths of Introverts, focused on
introverted children and teens, the book also being directed to their educators
and parents.
author of the 2012 non-fiction book Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop
Talking, which argues that modern Western
culture misunderstands and undervalues the traits and
capabilities of introverted people. In 2015, Cain co-founded Quiet Revolution, a mission-based company with initiatives in the areas of
children (parenting and education), lifestyle, and the workplace. Cain's 2016
follow-on book, Quiet Power: The Secret Strengths of Introverts, focused on
introverted children and teens, the book also being directed to their educators
and parents.
Extroverts |
Introverts |
Outgoing, Charismatic & Doer |
Normally tagged as Shy/Reserved/Mellow |
Bold & Assertive |
Free to go roaming around the adventure land inside their own mind. |
Social and Engaging |
Normally tagged as antisocial, but it was really just a different way of being social |
Hobbies like Book Reading, Long walks alone in the woods and time in solitude. |
|
Introverts are going through a feeling of guilty due to the norms sets by schools, college, workplace and culture. |
|
do most of our work pretty autonomously. |
|
Need more time in solitude – crucial ingredient often to creativity. |
|
It is okay to turn down dinner-party invitations. |
Lesson Learnt from Susan
Cain TED talks
Cain TED talks
·
Fond of
reading books is like a perfectly natural thing to do.
Fond of
reading books is like a perfectly natural thing to do.
·
Free to
go roaming around the adventure land inside your own mind.
Free to
go roaming around the adventure land inside your own mind.
·
Introverts
- all work very hard to be outgoing.
Introverts
- all work very hard to be outgoing.
·
I felt
kind of guilty about this. I felt as if the books needed me somehow, and they
were calling out to me and I was forsaking them.
I felt
kind of guilty about this. I felt as if the books needed me somehow, and they
were calling out to me and I was forsaking them.
·
All the
times that I got the message that somehow my quiet and introverted style of
being was not necessarily the right way to go, that I should be trying to pass
as more of an extrovert. And I always sensed deep down that this was wrong and
that introverts were pretty excellent just as they were. But for years I denied
this intuition, and so I became a Wall Street lawyer, of all things, instead of
the writer that I had always longed to be -- partly because I needed to prove
to myself that I could be bold and assertive too.
All the
times that I got the message that somehow my quiet and introverted style of
being was not necessarily the right way to go, that I should be trying to pass
as more of an extrovert. And I always sensed deep down that this was wrong and
that introverts were pretty excellent just as they were. But for years I denied
this intuition, and so I became a Wall Street lawyer, of all things, instead of
the writer that I had always longed to be -- partly because I needed to prove
to myself that I could be bold and assertive too.
·
When it
comes to creativity and to leadership, we need introverts doing what they do
best. A third to a half of the population are introverts -- a third to a half.
So that's one out of every two or three people you know.
When it
comes to creativity and to leadership, we need introverts doing what they do
best. A third to a half of the population are introverts -- a third to a half.
So that's one out of every two or three people you know.
·
All of
them subject to this bias that is pretty deep and real in our society. We all
internalize it from a very early age without even having a language for what
we're doing.
All of
them subject to this bias that is pretty deep and real in our society. We all
internalize it from a very early age without even having a language for what
we're doing.
·
Now, to
see the bias clearly, you need to understand what introversion is. It's
different from being shy. Shyness is about fear of social judgment.
Introversion is more about, how do you respond to stimulation, including social
stimulation. So extroverts really crave large amounts of stimulation, whereas
introverts feel at their most alive and their most switched-on and their most
capable when they're in quieter, more low-key environments. Not all the time --
these things aren't absolute -- but a lot of the time. So the key then to
maximizing our talents is for us all to put ourselves in the zone of
stimulation that is right for us.
Now, to
see the bias clearly, you need to understand what introversion is. It's
different from being shy. Shyness is about fear of social judgment.
Introversion is more about, how do you respond to stimulation, including social
stimulation. So extroverts really crave large amounts of stimulation, whereas
introverts feel at their most alive and their most switched-on and their most
capable when they're in quieter, more low-key environments. Not all the time --
these things aren't absolute -- but a lot of the time. So the key then to
maximizing our talents is for us all to put ourselves in the zone of
stimulation that is right for us.
·
But now
here's where the bias comes in. Our most important institutions, our schools
and our workplaces, they are designed mostly for extroverts and for extroverts'
need for lots of stimulation. And also we have this belief system right now
that I call the new groupthink, which holds that all creativity and all
productivity comes from a very oddly gregarious place.
But now
here's where the bias comes in. Our most important institutions, our schools
and our workplaces, they are designed mostly for extroverts and for extroverts'
need for lots of stimulation. And also we have this belief system right now
that I call the new groupthink, which holds that all creativity and all
productivity comes from a very oddly gregarious place.
·
And for
the kids who prefer to go off by themselves or just to work alone, those kids
are seen as outliers often or, worse, as problem cases. And the vast majority
of teachers reports believing that the ideal student is an extrovert as opposed
to an introvert, even though introverts actually get better grades and are more
knowledgeable, according to research.
And for
the kids who prefer to go off by themselves or just to work alone, those kids
are seen as outliers often or, worse, as problem cases. And the vast majority
of teachers reports believing that the ideal student is an extrovert as opposed
to an introvert, even though introverts actually get better grades and are more
knowledgeable, according to research.
·
Okay,
same thing is true in our workplaces. Now, most of us work in open plan
offices, without walls, where we are subject to the constant noise and gaze of
our coworkers. And when it comes to leadership, introverts are routinely passed
over for leadership positions, even though introverts tend to be very careful,
much less likely to take outsize risks -- which is something we might all favor
nowadays. And interesting research by Adam Grant at the Wharton School has
found that introverted leaders often deliver better outcomes than extroverts
do, because when they are managing proactive employees, they're much more
likely to let those employees run with their ideas, whereas an extrovert can,
quite unwittingly, get so excited about things that they're putting their own
stamp on things, and other people's ideas might not as easily then bubble up to
the surface.
Okay,
same thing is true in our workplaces. Now, most of us work in open plan
offices, without walls, where we are subject to the constant noise and gaze of
our coworkers. And when it comes to leadership, introverts are routinely passed
over for leadership positions, even though introverts tend to be very careful,
much less likely to take outsize risks -- which is something we might all favor
nowadays. And interesting research by Adam Grant at the Wharton School has
found that introverted leaders often deliver better outcomes than extroverts
do, because when they are managing proactive employees, they're much more
likely to let those employees run with their ideas, whereas an extrovert can,
quite unwittingly, get so excited about things that they're putting their own
stamp on things, and other people's ideas might not as easily then bubble up to
the surface.
·
Now in
fact, some of our transformative leaders in history have been introverts. I'll
give you some examples. Eleanor Roosevelt, Rosa Parks, Gandhi -- all these
people described themselves as quiet and soft-spoken and even shy. And they all
took the spotlight, even though every bone in their bodies was telling them not
to. And this turns out to have a special power all its own, because people
could feel that these leaders were at the helm not because they enjoyed
directing others and not out of the pleasure of being looked at; they were
there because they had no choice, because they were driven to do what they
thought was right.
Now in
fact, some of our transformative leaders in history have been introverts. I'll
give you some examples. Eleanor Roosevelt, Rosa Parks, Gandhi -- all these
people described themselves as quiet and soft-spoken and even shy. And they all
took the spotlight, even though every bone in their bodies was telling them not
to. And this turns out to have a special power all its own, because people
could feel that these leaders were at the helm not because they enjoyed
directing others and not out of the pleasure of being looked at; they were
there because they had no choice, because they were driven to do what they
thought was right.
·
And we
all fall at different points, of course, along the introvert/extrovert
spectrum. Even Carl Jung, the psychologist who first popularized these terms,
said that there's no such thing as a pure introvert or a pure extrovert.
And we
all fall at different points, of course, along the introvert/extrovert
spectrum. Even Carl Jung, the psychologist who first popularized these terms,
said that there's no such thing as a pure introvert or a pure extrovert.
·
But
many of us do recognize ourselves as one type or the other.
But
many of us do recognize ourselves as one type or the other.
·
And
what I'm saying is that culturally, we need a much better balance. We need more
of a yin and yang between these two types. This is especially important when it
comes to creativity and to productivity, because when psychologists look at the
lives of the most creative people, what they find are people who are very good
at exchanging ideas and advancing ideas, but who also have a serious streak of
introversion in them.
And
what I'm saying is that culturally, we need a much better balance. We need more
of a yin and yang between these two types. This is especially important when it
comes to creativity and to productivity, because when psychologists look at the
lives of the most creative people, what they find are people who are very good
at exchanging ideas and advancing ideas, but who also have a serious streak of
introversion in them.
·
Need
more time in solitude - a crucial ingredient often to creativity.
Need
more time in solitude - a crucial ingredient often to creativity.
·
Darwin
took long walks alone in the woods and emphatically turned down dinner-party
invitations.
Darwin
took long walks alone in the woods and emphatically turned down dinner-party
invitations.
·
Theodor
Geisel, better known as Dr. Seuss, he dreamed up many of his amazing creations
in a lonely bell tower office that he had in the back of his house in La Jolla,
California. And he was actually afraid to meet the young children who read his
books for fear that they were expecting him this kind of jolly Santa Claus-like
figure and would be disappointed with his more reserved persona.
Theodor
Geisel, better known as Dr. Seuss, he dreamed up many of his amazing creations
in a lonely bell tower office that he had in the back of his house in La Jolla,
California. And he was actually afraid to meet the young children who read his
books for fear that they were expecting him this kind of jolly Santa Claus-like
figure and would be disappointed with his more reserved persona.
·
Steve
Wozniak - says that he never would have
become such an expert in the first place had he not been too introverted to
leave the house when he was growing up.
Steve
Wozniak - says that he never would have
become such an expert in the first place had he not been too introverted to
leave the house when he was growing up.
·
Now, of
course, this does not mean that we should all stop collaborating -- and case in
point, is Steve Wozniak famously coming together with Steve Jobs to start Apple
Computer -- but it does mean that solitude matters and that for some people it
is the air that they breathe. And in fact, we have known for centuries about
the transcendent power of solitude. It's only recently that we've strangely
begun to forget it. If you look at most of the world's major religions, you
will find seekers -- Moses, Jesus, Buddha, Muhammad -- seekers who are going
off by themselves alone to the wilderness, where they then have profound
epiphanies and revelations that they then bring back to the rest of the
community. So, no wilderness, no revelations.
Now, of
course, this does not mean that we should all stop collaborating -- and case in
point, is Steve Wozniak famously coming together with Steve Jobs to start Apple
Computer -- but it does mean that solitude matters and that for some people it
is the air that they breathe. And in fact, we have known for centuries about
the transcendent power of solitude. It's only recently that we've strangely
begun to forget it. If you look at most of the world's major religions, you
will find seekers -- Moses, Jesus, Buddha, Muhammad -- seekers who are going
off by themselves alone to the wilderness, where they then have profound
epiphanies and revelations that they then bring back to the rest of the
community. So, no wilderness, no revelations.
·
This is
no surprise, though, if you look at the insights of contemporary psychology. It
turns out that we can't even be in a group of people without instinctively
mirroring, mimicking their opinions. Even about seemingly personal and visceral
things like who you're attracted to, you will start aping the beliefs of the
people around you without even realizing that that's what you're doing.
This is
no surprise, though, if you look at the insights of contemporary psychology. It
turns out that we can't even be in a group of people without instinctively
mirroring, mimicking their opinions. Even about seemingly personal and visceral
things like who you're attracted to, you will start aping the beliefs of the
people around you without even realizing that that's what you're doing.
·
And
groups famously follow the opinions of the most dominant or charismatic person
in the room, even though there's zero correlation between being the best talker
and having the best ideas -- I mean zero.
And
groups famously follow the opinions of the most dominant or charismatic person
in the room, even though there's zero correlation between being the best talker
and having the best ideas -- I mean zero.
·
Much
better for everybody to go off by themselves, generate their own ideas freed
from the distortions of group dynamics, and then come together as a team to
talk them through in a well-managed environment and take it from there.
Much
better for everybody to go off by themselves, generate their own ideas freed
from the distortions of group dynamics, and then come together as a team to
talk them through in a well-managed environment and take it from there.
·
And why
are we making these introverts feel so guilty about wanting to just go off by
themselves some of the time?
And why
are we making these introverts feel so guilty about wanting to just go off by
themselves some of the time?
·
One
answer lies deep in our cultural history. Western societies, and in particular
the U.S., have always favored the man of action over the "man" of
contemplation.
One
answer lies deep in our cultural history. Western societies, and in particular
the U.S., have always favored the man of action over the "man" of
contemplation.
·
But in
America's early days, we lived in what historians call a culture of character,
where we still, at that point, valued people for their inner selves and their
moral rectitude. And if you look at the self-help books from this era, they all
had titles with things like "Character, the Grandest Thing in the
World." And they featured role models like Abraham Lincoln, who was
praised for being modest and unassuming. Ralph Waldo Emerson called him "A
man who does not offend by superiority."
But in
America's early days, we lived in what historians call a culture of character,
where we still, at that point, valued people for their inner selves and their
moral rectitude. And if you look at the self-help books from this era, they all
had titles with things like "Character, the Grandest Thing in the
World." And they featured role models like Abraham Lincoln, who was
praised for being modest and unassuming. Ralph Waldo Emerson called him "A
man who does not offend by superiority."
·
But
then we hit the 20th century, and we entered a new culture that historians call
the culture of personality.
But
then we hit the 20th century, and we entered a new culture that historians call
the culture of personality.
·
So,
quite understandably, qualities like magnetism and charisma suddenly come to
seem really important.
So,
quite understandably, qualities like magnetism and charisma suddenly come to
seem really important.
·
And
sure enough, the self-help books change to meet these new needs and they start
to have names like "How to Win Friends and Influence People." And
they feature as their role models really great salesmen. So that's the world
we're living in today. That's our cultural inheritance.
And
sure enough, the self-help books change to meet these new needs and they start
to have names like "How to Win Friends and Influence People." And
they feature as their role models really great salesmen. So that's the world
we're living in today. That's our cultural inheritance.
·
Now
none of this is to say that social skills are unimportant, and I'm also not
calling for the abolishing of teamwork at all. The same religions who send
their sages off to lonely mountain tops also teach us love and trust.
Now
none of this is to say that social skills are unimportant, and I'm also not
calling for the abolishing of teamwork at all. The same religions who send
their sages off to lonely mountain tops also teach us love and trust.
·
And the
problems that we are facing today in fields like science and in economics are
so vast and so complex that we are going to need armies of people coming
together to solve them working together. But I am saying that the more freedom
that we give introverts to be themselves, the more likely that they are to come
up with their own unique solutions to these problems.
And the
problems that we are facing today in fields like science and in economics are
so vast and so complex that we are going to need armies of people coming
together to solve them working together. But I am saying that the more freedom
that we give introverts to be themselves, the more likely that they are to come
up with their own unique solutions to these problems.
·
Favorite
thing to do in the whole world was to read.
Favorite
thing to do in the whole world was to read.
·
Introverts
would often end the conversation prematurely for fear that he was taking up too
much of your time.
Introverts
would often end the conversation prematurely for fear that he was taking up too
much of your time.
·
I
prepared for moments like these as best I could. I spent the last year
practicing public speaking every chance I could get. And I call this my
"year of speaking dangerously."
I
prepared for moments like these as best I could. I spent the last year
practicing public speaking every chance I could get. And I call this my
"year of speaking dangerously."
·
I'll
tell you, what helps even more is my sense, my belief, my hope that when it
comes to our attitudes to introversion and to quiet and to solitude, we truly
are poised on the brink on dramatic change. I mean, we are. And so I am going
to leave you now with three calls for action for those who share this vision.
I'll
tell you, what helps even more is my sense, my belief, my hope that when it
comes to our attitudes to introversion and to quiet and to solitude, we truly
are poised on the brink on dramatic change. I mean, we are. And so I am going
to leave you now with three calls for action for those who share this vision.
·
Number
one: Stop the madness for constant group work. Just stop it.
Number
one: Stop the madness for constant group work. Just stop it.
o
We need
much more privacy and much more freedom and much more autonomy at work. School,
same thing. We need to be teaching kids to work together, for sure, but we also
need to be teaching them how to work on their own. This is especially important
for extroverted children too. They need to work on their own because that is
where deep thought comes from in part.
We need
much more privacy and much more freedom and much more autonomy at work. School,
same thing. We need to be teaching kids to work together, for sure, but we also
need to be teaching them how to work on their own. This is especially important
for extroverted children too. They need to work on their own because that is
where deep thought comes from in part.
·
Number
two: Go to the wilderness. Be like Buddha, have your own revelations. I'm not
saying that we all have to now go off and build our own cabins in the woods and
never talk to each other again, but I am saying that we could all stand to
unplug and get inside our own heads a little more often.
Number
two: Go to the wilderness. Be like Buddha, have your own revelations. I'm not
saying that we all have to now go off and build our own cabins in the woods and
never talk to each other again, but I am saying that we could all stand to
unplug and get inside our own heads a little more often.
·
Number
three: Take a good look at what's inside your own suitcase and why you put it
there. So extroverts, maybe your suitcases are also full of books. Or maybe
they're full of champagne glasses or skydiving equipment. Whatever it is, I
hope you take these things out every chance you get and grace us with your
energy and your joy. But introverts, you being you, you probably have the
impulse to guard very carefully what's inside your own suitcase. And that's
okay. But occasionally, just occasionally, I hope you will open up your
suitcases for other people to see, because the world needs you and it needs the
things you carry.
Number
three: Take a good look at what's inside your own suitcase and why you put it
there. So extroverts, maybe your suitcases are also full of books. Or maybe
they're full of champagne glasses or skydiving equipment. Whatever it is, I
hope you take these things out every chance you get and grace us with your
energy and your joy. But introverts, you being you, you probably have the
impulse to guard very carefully what's inside your own suitcase. And that's
okay. But occasionally, just occasionally, I hope you will open up your
suitcases for other people to see, because the world needs you and it needs the
things you carry.
·
I wish
you the best of all possible journeys and the courage to speak softly.
I wish
you the best of all possible journeys and the courage to speak softly.
Myers–Briggs Type Indicator
The Myers–Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI)
is an introspective self-report questionnaire
indicating differing psychological preferences in how
people perceive the world and make decisions.[1][2][3]
is an introspective self-report questionnaire
indicating differing psychological preferences in how
people perceive the world and make decisions.[1][2][3]
By Jake Beech - Own
work, CC BY-SA 3.0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=30859659
work, CC BY-SA 3.0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=30859659
This week’s topic is Know Thyself – Discover Your Strength.
Ways to practice daily:-
o Spend 20 mins per day / 1 Hour per week
o
To
identify our strength
To
identify our strength
o
To know
our strengths and weakness
To know
our strengths and weakness
o
To
accept ourselves better
To
accept ourselves better
o
Identify
moments when we feel good/great about ourselves
Identify
moments when we feel good/great about ourselves
Exercise for the week:-
Other tests:-
Please share your suggestions, feedback in practicing this.
If you want to maintain anonymity, Please share your suggestions,
feedback, and comments to rajesh.x.narayanan@gmail.com
feedback, and comments to rajesh.x.narayanan@gmail.com
Tagline: Life is great; make the most out of your strength
Quote for the Week:-
Whatever the circumstances of your life, the understanding of type can
make your perceptions clearer, your judgements sounder, and your life closer to
your heart’s desire – Isabel Briggs Myers
make your perceptions clearer, your judgements sounder, and your life closer to
your heart’s desire – Isabel Briggs Myers
Cheat Sheet for MBTI
Presentation:-
Presentation:-
Week 2 – Cheat Sheet:-
About me:-
EP-0 - Who am I? - Rajesh
Narayanan
Narayanan
If you do not know me personally, you can check out
this video
this video
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