CC7 - Research your Topic - My first shopping experience

My first shopping experience

Opening

It was August 2002, a month after our marriage. It was a Sunday evening at 5.45pm, we entered the mall in US, and it was the first shopping mall experience for Sudha. She was excited with her list of things to buy and I was proudly leading from the front as I was fulfilling her dream shopping experience in USA. Immediately all the shops were getting closed in a row similar to a villain entering in a busy street or village in the Tamil movies.

Dear TMOD, fellow TMs and guests, Good evening

I immediately rushed to a security guy and realized that the mall closes at 6 pm on every Sunday. That moment, when I uttered the news to Sudha, all her first shopping experience and expectation went for a toss. She was deeply disappointed.

I could feel the tension between us. We were talking in mono syllable like a Mani Ratham movie “Yes”, No I hate you etc. Remembered we were just married a month ago.

We came home. My convincing strategy of taking her to the mall next day ended in vain.

We behaved like two aliens from different planets. We locked each other in a separate room. As I was so worried and did not know what to do next. I looked at our wedding gifts lurking in the corner. I found the book “Men are from mars. Women are from Venus”

I reviewed the cover page to know more about the book. It was written by John Gray, who is an American author with Phd. He is the bestselling author of 16 books. He has conducted personal growth and relationships seminars for more than 30 years and is a world-renowned communication expert. John’s books have sold over 50 million copies in 50 different languages. It was the bestselling books of 1990, it was on the best seller list for 6 years in a row and CNN placed it at No.3 in their best seller list.

I felt it was right one for that moment. I started researching on our way of our thinking and our behaviors.
The three lessons which I researched on that day were

1.    Guys shopping experience

2.    Stress handled by men and women

3.    Love scoring strategy for men and women

Firstly, the book related Men shopping to hunters. As Men are from Mars, we are basically hunters. We will be in that state of mind while shopping. With more tension, did not know which animal to shoot and where to aim. That is the reasons, men are poor shoppers. They are always tensed and did not know which one to choose and buy. They are more aimless similar to hunting. If you give more choices, they get more confused similar to hunter’s mentality.

Probably that could be the reasons, all men floor in multiplex stores like Naidu Hall, RmKV are near the rest room in the 5 and 6^th floor. That too they have elevator till 4^th floor and remaining floors they have to walk. Another sad part is, Men section has been served by to be retired or trainee sales persons where all cute chicks are completely in women section.

Secondly, Men and women cope with stress differently. Men deal with stress by retreating into their caves.

In these “caves”, men are not necessarily focused on the problem at hand, many times this is a “time-out” of sorts to allow them to distance themselves from the problems so their brains can focus on something else. Gray posits that this allows them to revisit the problem later with a fresh perspective. It is a way of overcoming problems of Martians. They prefer not to probe him with questions. He seeks diversions, such as watching television, exercising or going for a drive. In my case, I watch my favorite Basha movie’s stunt sequence or that sixer of Dhoni which won the world cup for us.

Whereas Venusians, tend to reach out to others. Women kept on talking about the problem. Women lower stress through talking and sharing. The collectiveness and togetherness which they share is part of their feminity. Men lower their stress by being alone. Sudha said our shopping experience to almost to all of our family members.

Finally, scoring strategy for love is totally different for Mars and venus.

Gray suggests that men and women count (or score) the giving and receiving of love differently. A man feels that he “scores high” with a woman when he does something on a grand scale, such as buying a diamond ring, or Guess hand bags or Versace jeans. He doesn’t realize that women equally appreciate the little things. She gives every gift of love “one point” no matter how big it is. He can take her on a dream vacation but, days later, she will still feel unappreciated if he cancels their night out. Once a man understands a woman’s scoring system, he will know the magic little things can possess.

Friends, you can’t live with marriage and you can’t live without marriage. Understanding the background as we are from different planets and our personality differences will help to have more fun and fewer fights.

I did a survey about how to improve relationship and got best advice from my married friends and colleges. I am sharing the handout.

Please take one thing from this and apply on your relationship.

John Gray says Arguments damage a relationship. Communicating with love and respect strengthens it.

Over to you TMOD.

How Men and women handle adversities?

Men	Women
Read a book	Call a girlfriend for a good chat
Work in the garden	Write in a journal
Listen to music	Take a bubble bath
Exercise	Go shopping
Get a massage	Pray or meditate
Listen to self-improvement tapes	Go for a walk
Treat yourself to something delicious	See a therapist
	Watch TV or Video

Courtesy: Book Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus

A survey was done with my colleagues on “What is the one thing we can do to accommodate our partner and improve the marital relationship”

No of Participants        : 30 [All are married]

No of Men: 28              No of Women: 2

1.    Respect your partner unconditionally

2.    Help each other in domestic chores

3.    Take care of children to share responsibilities

4.    Don’t interfere

5.    Give them space and time

6.    Spend more quality time with your partner

7.    Don’t say NO

8.    Reduce anger/irritation during arguments

9.    Don’t force your decisions on them

10.                       Don’t argue

11.                       Forgiveness is the best

12.                       Be an active listener. Don’t do pseudo listening

13.                       Pay attention while talking

14.                       Don’t read too much at home. Talk to your partner

15.                       Avoid gadgets at home

16.                       Don’t take office to home

17.                       Sharing your learning, knowledge and life experiences with your partner

18.                       Avoid gender based conversation

19.                       Don’t have loose talk about your spouse’s family and relatives

20.                       In tough conversations, Don’t argue whether it is right or wrong

21.                       Switch off TV and spend time with your life partner

22.                       Be flexible enough

23.                       Appreciate them

24.                       Learn

25.                       Share responsibilities

26.                       Because you are the bread winner or earning more than your partner doesn’t mean your work is more important than the household work