EP-63 – உறவுகள் மேம்பட– The Social / Emotional Dimension - Sharpen the Saw - Habit-7
– Zero to Hero 100 days Personal Transformation Journey
– Zero to Hero 100 days Personal Transformation Journey
We are in
Episode 63.
Episode 63.
இந்த YouTube channel லை வாழ வைக்கும் தெய்வங்களாகிய எல்லா
ஹீரோயின்களுக்கும், ஹீரோக்களுக்கும்
வணக்கம்.
ஹீரோயின்களுக்கும், ஹீரோக்களுக்கும்
வணக்கம்.
I keep Steven covey
as a general theme. Individual episode can be viewed separately for any new comer
to this channel, or can be viewed it as a series.
as a general theme. Individual episode can be viewed separately for any new comer
to this channel, or can be viewed it as a series.
Common Theme for
the week (from 30th Nov till 6th Dec) – Sharpen
the Saw – Habit 7 (Courtesy: Stephen
Covey).
the week (from 30th Nov till 6th Dec) – Sharpen
the Saw – Habit 7 (Courtesy: Stephen
Covey).
From today till
next Friday, we will be talking about Habit 7 – Sharpen the Saw.
next Friday, we will be talking about Habit 7 – Sharpen the Saw.
Habit 7 is a habit
of renewal (பட்டையை தீட்டுங்க;
பட்டையை கிளப்புங்க).
of renewal (பட்டையை தீட்டுங்க;
பட்டையை கிளப்புங்க).
We are going to
talk about The
Social / Emotional Dimension.
This is very close to my heart. You will automatically know why is it very
close to my heart.
talk about The
Social / Emotional Dimension.
This is very close to my heart. You will automatically know why is it very
close to my heart.
A month back, I was
pumping with high energy due to this channel work and I was in cloud nine. I thought
I am the next Stephen covey. I am good listener. I am an empathic listener. I
know it all type.
pumping with high energy due to this channel work and I was in cloud nine. I thought
I am the next Stephen covey. I am good listener. I am an empathic listener. I
know it all type.
It was exactly two
months back. It was October 10th. I was returning from office. That
is the day, our beloved Chinese president visited Mahas. Whole Chennai was in
traffic jam. 20 mins of my travel time becomes 1hour 20 mins. I was fuming
inside and full of head ache. I was disappointed, dejected and devastated.
months back. It was October 10th. I was returning from office. That
is the day, our beloved Chinese president visited Mahas. Whole Chennai was in
traffic jam. 20 mins of my travel time becomes 1hour 20 mins. I was fuming
inside and full of head ache. I was disappointed, dejected and devastated.
I came home. As I
was having headache, I asked my wife for a filter coffee. She quickly brought
the coffee. As soon as I tasted the coffee, I told her. There was no sugar in
it in angrier tone.
was having headache, I asked my wife for a filter coffee. She quickly brought
the coffee. As soon as I tasted the coffee, I told her. There was no sugar in
it in angrier tone.
My wife responded
immediately saying our life is also like that (காபி மாதிரி நம்ம வாழ்க்கை யும் கசப்பாயிடுச்சு). All the sweetness got fade away. In the
moment of anger, I dropped by coffee tumbler. My wife was stunned.
immediately saying our life is also like that (காபி மாதிரி நம்ம வாழ்க்கை யும் கசப்பாயிடுச்சு). All the sweetness got fade away. In the
moment of anger, I dropped by coffee tumbler. My wife was stunned.
Next few hours, I
was fuming inside. How did I do that? My entire Stephen covey had gone away
like a lightening. My elevation was strong and a foundation was very weak. I
was pretty much doing in talking. It did not ingrain into my DNA. வாயால வடை சுடறது.
From Hero, I became zero again.
நல்ல சொதப்பிட்டேன்னு தோனிச்சு.
was fuming inside. How did I do that? My entire Stephen covey had gone away
like a lightening. My elevation was strong and a foundation was very weak. I
was pretty much doing in talking. It did not ingrain into my DNA. வாயால வடை சுடறது.
From Hero, I became zero again.
நல்ல சொதப்பிட்டேன்னு தோனிச்சு.
That night after my
daughters went to bed. I apologized to my wife.. I patiently listened to her
till 3am in the morning. Few things that I realized were
daughters went to bed. I apologized to my wife.. I patiently listened to her
till 3am in the morning. Few things that I realized were
·
She was
watching a TV Drama and just few mins before my arrival. The same dialogue came
in the drama. She repeated the dialogue that provoked my anger.
She was
watching a TV Drama and just few mins before my arrival. The same dialogue came
in the drama. She repeated the dialogue that provoked my anger.
·
My wife
quitted her job few months back to do something on her own. She was questioning
herself for past few days.
My wife
quitted her job few months back to do something on her own. She was questioning
herself for past few days.
·
She was
not feeling appreciated of late as I got busy with my daily schedule.
She was
not feeling appreciated of late as I got busy with my daily schedule.
Three things that I
learnt are
learnt are
·
Please
do not watch TV Serials
Please
do not watch TV Serials
·
Be
Patient. Seek first to understand
Be
Patient. Seek first to understand
·
Do not
take loved ones for granted. I did not listen to my wife empathically for the
past few weeks. That was the best conversation that I ever had with my wife. I
found my wife again.
Do not
take loved ones for granted. I did not listen to my wife empathically for the
past few weeks. That was the best conversation that I ever had with my wife. I
found my wife again.
·
A lot
of male like me, like to fix things. They do not listen empathically. Most of
my female colleagues did not talk about their problems openly to their spouses
as they do not listen and on top that they might ask them to quit their job.
Everyone needs self identify. Women need as well. Please listen to your better
half emotionally and empathically.
A lot
of male like me, like to fix things. They do not listen empathically. Most of
my female colleagues did not talk about their problems openly to their spouses
as they do not listen and on top that they might ask them to quit their job.
Everyone needs self identify. Women need as well. Please listen to your better
half emotionally and empathically.
Social / Emotional
Dimension as per Stephen R. Covey
Dimension as per Stephen R. Covey
Assume that everything you say about people will be heard by
them. How might you choose your words differently?
them. How might you choose your words differently?
To renew yourself emotionally,
consider these suggestions:
consider these suggestions:
Ø
Keep your relationships in constant repair
through continual deposits to the Emotional Bank Account.
Keep your relationships in constant repair
through continual deposits to the Emotional Bank Account.
Ø
Value the differences in others and look for
opportunities to Synergize.
Value the differences in others and look for
opportunities to Synergize.
Ø
Practice Empathic Listening regularly with the
people who are important to you.
Practice Empathic Listening regularly with the
people who are important to you.
Ø
Widen your circle of friends.
Widen your circle of friends.
Ø
Forgive yourself and others who may have hurt
you.
Forgive yourself and others who may have hurt
you.
Ø
Build family relationships – both immediate and
extended.
Build family relationships – both immediate and
extended.
Ø
Let go of the damaging competitive feelings you
may have toward others.
Let go of the damaging competitive feelings you
may have toward others.
Did you know?
·
The number one reason people leave their jobs is
poor relationships with their managers.
The number one reason people leave their jobs is
poor relationships with their managers.
·
In a study of marriages lasting 25 years or
more, the ability to solve problems together is the major factor contributing
to satisfaction.
In a study of marriages lasting 25 years or
more, the ability to solve problems together is the major factor contributing
to satisfaction.
·
Lifespan increases in direct proportion to the
amount of contact people have with their close friends.
Lifespan increases in direct proportion to the
amount of contact people have with their close friends.
Write down one thing you will consistently do to develop the social /
emotional dimension:
emotional dimension:
Part-C – The Social / Emotional Dimension (From 12:15 mins to 18:30)
7 Habits of Highly Effective People - Habit 7 - Presented by
Stephen Covey Himself
Stephen Covey Himself
From 12:15 mins to 18:30
Ø
What we’re doing
is looking at how the private victory through this sharpening the saw
physically, mentally, spiritually helps to produce the public victories that is
in our relationships with others.
What we’re doing
is looking at how the private victory through this sharpening the saw
physically, mentally, spiritually helps to produce the public victories that is
in our relationships with others.
Ø
And this is
where habits four, five and six are involved.
And this is
where habits four, five and six are involved.
Ø
Habits four,
five and six is the essence of sharpening the saw
Habits four,
five and six is the essence of sharpening the saw
Ø
Habits four,
five and six is the essence of sharpening the saw in the public victory
Habits four,
five and six is the essence of sharpening the saw in the public victory
Ø
Socially I call
it the social and emotional dimension
Socially I call
it the social and emotional dimension
Ø
Social means your
relationship with others
Social means your
relationship with others
Ø
Social means
your relationship with others
Social means
your relationship with others
Ø
Emotional means
your relationship with yourself
Emotional means
your relationship with yourself
Ø
One of the most powerful action steps you
can take after today is to begin the process of rebuilding a broken
relationship you care about
One of the most powerful action steps you
can take after today is to begin the process of rebuilding a broken
relationship you care about
Ø
Particularly reach out to touch the one
that tests you the most.
Particularly reach out to touch the one
that tests you the most.
Ø
Rebuild the one
relationship you care enormously about but which is strained which has been
wounded that camera show put it this way
Rebuild the one
relationship you care enormously about but which is strained which has been
wounded that camera show put it this way
Ø
It is more noble to give yourself
completely to one individual, than to labour diligently for the salvation of
the masses – Dag Hammarskold
It is more noble to give yourself
completely to one individual, than to labour diligently for the salvation of
the masses – Dag Hammarskold
Ø
In other words
you could be very dedicated for many causes out there worthy causes projects,
business activities, 10,12,14 hours a day, six, seven days a week and not have
a meaningful relationship with your own teenage son and that will eat it.
In other words
you could be very dedicated for many causes out there worthy causes projects,
business activities, 10,12,14 hours a day, six, seven days a week and not have
a meaningful relationship with your own teenage son and that will eat it.
Ø
You know it
weakens your fiber, your will what’s it all about, See what am I working so
hard for
You know it
weakens your fiber, your will what’s it all about, See what am I working so
hard for
Ø
Covey had a
friend who just beside himself because his boy was so rebellious,
unappreciative. Covey said to him, “I’m teaching empathic communication now in
the course why don’t you come in for a while”. He thought he got the concept
within a week. His friend went to the boy, I would like to talk to you, there
is nothing to talk about the boy stood up, walked out. He said, I about tackled
his son at the door. if he had only known I have taken the course to prepare
for that one visit. Covey said of course your son is only testing your sincerity
and what did you find out.
Covey had a
friend who just beside himself because his boy was so rebellious,
unappreciative. Covey said to him, “I’m teaching empathic communication now in
the course why don’t you come in for a while”. He thought he got the concept
within a week. His friend went to the boy, I would like to talk to you, there
is nothing to talk about the boy stood up, walked out. He said, I about tackled
his son at the door. if he had only known I have taken the course to prepare
for that one visit. Covey said of course your son is only testing your sincerity
and what did you find out.
Ø
You don’t really
want to understand him, you want him to shape up
You don’t really
want to understand him, you want him to shape up
Ø
He should that
whippersnapper (a young and inexperienced person considered to be presumptuous
or overconfident). He knows full well what he’s doing
He should that
whippersnapper (a young and inexperienced person considered to be presumptuous
or overconfident). He knows full well what he’s doing
Ø
Covey said, look
inside you’ve got a little do a lot more interior work
Covey said, look
inside you’ve got a little do a lot more interior work
Ø
He stayed with
the course, he did the work came to covey and said, “I’m prepared”
He stayed with
the course, he did the work came to covey and said, “I’m prepared”
Ø
Covey said,
“he’s gonna test your sincerity in every way. He can’t be vulnerable to you.
Have his expectations around and then blast it again.
Covey said,
“he’s gonna test your sincerity in every way. He can’t be vulnerable to you.
Have his expectations around and then blast it again.
Ø
Sat down with
his boy, “I really like to talk, I know you think there’s nothing to talk about
but it’s because perhaps I haven’t listened. His son said, you have never
listened to me and he stood up and started walking out and then before he got
out the door the father said, “I’ll tell you one thing I’m sure sorry about the
way I embarrass you in front of your friends the other day. The boy whipped
around do you have any idea how embarrassing that was and it teared up.
Sat down with
his boy, “I really like to talk, I know you think there’s nothing to talk about
but it’s because perhaps I haven’t listened. His son said, you have never
listened to me and he stood up and started walking out and then before he got
out the door the father said, “I’ll tell you one thing I’m sure sorry about the
way I embarrass you in front of your friends the other day. The boy whipped
around do you have any idea how embarrassing that was and it teared up.
Ø
Covey’s friend
said to covey, “all the teaching you had done did not touch me like that tear”
Covey’s friend
said to covey, “all the teaching you had done did not touch me like that tear”
Ø
His friend
realized, “His son cares, his son is sincere, he is vulnerable”. “I didn’t even
know he cared at all.
His friend
realized, “His son cares, his son is sincere, he is vulnerable”. “I didn’t even
know he cared at all.
Ø
He said, Stephen
never that I want to understand that boy as I did then.
He said, Stephen
never that I want to understand that boy as I did then.
Ø
And he said,
“we’d sat and talked and I genuinely tried to understand.
And he said,
“we’d sat and talked and I genuinely tried to understand.
Ø
The mother came
in and said time for bed. It’s past midnight.
The mother came
in and said time for bed. It’s past midnight.
Ø
He said, “Mom,
we want to talk. Don’t we dad. They talked till very late.
He said, “Mom,
we want to talk. Don’t we dad. They talked till very late.
Ø
The father told
me in the halls of my building the next day with tears in his eye, I found my
son again.
The father told
me in the halls of my building the next day with tears in his eye, I found my
son again.
Ø
Be patient.
Be patient.
Ø
It won’t happen
overnight.
It won’t happen
overnight.
Ø
You may need to apologize.
You may need to apologize.
Ø
You may need to forgive and forget.
You may need to forgive and forget.
Ø
You need to make
all kinds of different deposits over time and even won’t see any evidence for a
while
You need to make
all kinds of different deposits over time and even won’t see any evidence for a
while
Ø
You plant the
Chinese bamboo tree and for four years you see nothing. Nothing. All the growth
goes under the ground. And you are working diligently to optimize the growing
conditions.
You plant the
Chinese bamboo tree and for four years you see nothing. Nothing. All the growth
goes under the ground. And you are working diligently to optimize the growing
conditions.
Ø
You see nothing
four years eventually a little bulb and little shooting. That’s it. Four years.
You see nothing
four years eventually a little bulb and little shooting. That’s it. Four years.
Ø
Ø
On the fifth
year, the Chinese bamboo tree grows 80 feet.
On the fifth
year, the Chinese bamboo tree grows 80 feet.
Ø
all the growth
goes this way.
all the growth
goes this way.
Ø
So to cultivate
that relationship, to think win-win to empathically listen
So to cultivate
that relationship, to think win-win to empathically listen
Ø
Same thing would
pertain to a relationship , say with your business partner, a key associate, a
key employee
Same thing would
pertain to a relationship , say with your business partner, a key associate, a
key employee
Ø
If there is a
sense of immunity (resistence) there. That immunity will spread out and affect
other things.
If there is a
sense of immunity (resistence) there. That immunity will spread out and affect
other things.
Ø
It will take
more nobility of character to do whatever is necessary to rebuild that one and
It will take
more nobility of character to do whatever is necessary to rebuild that one and
Ø
You know what
the interesting thing is if you rebuild the one it affects the many.
You know what
the interesting thing is if you rebuild the one it affects the many.
Ø
The key to the
99 is the one because every one of the 99 is the one.
The key to the
99 is the one because every one of the 99 is the one.
Ø
The key to the
many is the one why because what you have to do develop and educate and
discipline your character affects everything that you do in your life.
The key to the
many is the one why because what you have to do develop and educate and
discipline your character affects everything that you do in your life.
Ø
So it has
exponential leveraging capacity as well in relationships to nurture your
emotional wellsprings so important.
So it has
exponential leveraging capacity as well in relationships to nurture your
emotional wellsprings so important.
Exercise: Take one
relationship and rebuild it
relationship and rebuild it
Tagline for today:
உறவுகள் மேம்பட
உறவுகள் மேம்பட
Conclusion:-
Let us all
take relationships in our hands one at a time. The principles that you follow
in one relationship is the same for other 99 relationships.
take relationships in our hands one at a time. The principles that you follow
in one relationship is the same for other 99 relationships.
We can buy
our house through EMI in a jiffy. We have to work hard to make it as a home. The
things that we buy like Iphone, Macbook, sony tv or BMW or Mercedes, won’t come
in our 80th Birthday
our house through EMI in a jiffy. We have to work hard to make it as a home. The
things that we buy like Iphone, Macbook, sony tv or BMW or Mercedes, won’t come
in our 80th Birthday
Our
relationships are the one that comes in your 80th birthday.
relationships are the one that comes in your 80th birthday.
Reference:-
Theme for the week: Sharpen
the Saw – Habit 7 –
Courtesy: Steven Covey’s 7 Habits of highly effective people.
the Saw – Habit 7 –
Courtesy: Steven Covey’s 7 Habits of highly effective people.
(Start Date 30th Nov, End date 6th Dec – Saturday
to Friday)
to Friday)
Today’s Videos:-
7 Habits of Highly Effective People - Habit 7 - Presented by
Stephen Covey Himself (from 12.20 Mins to 18:47)
Stephen Covey Himself (from 12.20 Mins to 18:47)
Week’s Video for quick reference.
Quote for the week to ponder upon:
காலம் என்னும் ஆழ்கடலில் நீந்துகிறவனுக்கு அறிவு என்னும் துறைமுகத்தை அடையக் கலங்கரை விளக்காக அமைந்துள்ளவை சிறந்த நூல்களே
கவிஞர் ரவீந்திரநாத் தாகூர்
References:-
Learning How to Learn: Powerful mental tools to help you
master tough subjects
https://www.coursera.org/learn/learning-how-to-learn
Find out what your
learning style is by using the questionnaire at https://www.webtools.ncsu.edu/learningstyles/
learning style is by using the questionnaire at https://www.webtools.ncsu.edu/learningstyles/
Articles:-
HABIT 7: Sharpen
the Saw
the Saw
Books: 7 Habits of highly effective people – Stephen Covey
Today’s
cheat sheet:-
cheat sheet:-
உறவுகள் மேம்பட by Vedhathiri Maharishi
https://drive.google.com/file/d/11pTaNu8e8mDTPAuE9olBSxRDYlYtbqn6/view?usp=sharing
This week’s
Cheat Sheet
Cheat Sheet
About me:-
EP-0 - Who am I? - Rajesh Narayanan
If you do not know me personally, you can check out this
video
video
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IiuvvMarwOE
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