This site provides a collection of Self-Development / Personality development articles, tips and suggestions from various sources to SPA (Spread Positive Awareness).
Collection of finest things in life. It is a journey from Information to Transformation. These are the articles helped me in evolving my thought process. I do not own these content. i have given the relevant references and sources details to the best of my knowledge. I am ready to remove it if required.
இந்த YouTube channel லை வாழ வைக்கும் தெய்வங்களாகிய எல்லா ஹீரோயின்களுக்கும், ஹீரோக்களுக்கும் வணக்கம்.
I keep Steven covey
as a general theme. Individual episode can be viewed separately for any new comer
to this channel, or can be viewed it as a series.
Common Theme for
the week (from 30th Nov till 6th Dec) – Sharpen the
Saw – Habit 7 (Courtesy: Stephen
Covey).
We all know the
aged old story of golden goose. Golden Goose laid the golden egg every day. On
fine morning, the farmer lost patience and became greedy and he killed the
goose thinking that he would be getting all the golden eggs at one shot. In the
end, he realized & disappointed that he found only one golden egg and
killed the goose as well.
We are all like
that golden goose.
Are we renewing the golden goose on a daily
basis?
Are we empowering the golden goose within
us?
As Amir Khan says
in Satyameva Jayate Program, we are living 100 years of life in 10 year. I
feel, We are slowly killing the golden goose within us in this fast phased
world and busy being busy approach.From today till next Friday, we will be
talking about Habit 7 – Sharpen the Saw.
Habit-7
Sharpen
the Saw - The Habit of Renewal
Courtesy: The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People –
Signature Program
Priniciple:
To maintain
and increase effectiveness, we must renew ourselves in body, heart, mind, and
soul.
Paradigm:
Ineffective: I
focus only on getting the golden eggs.
Effective: I nurture the goose that
lays the golden eggs.
Behaviour
· Renew
regularly in the four dimensions.
· Be strong in
the hard moments.
Result:
· Improved
capacity
· Stronger
relationships
· Greater
reserves
· Continuous
improvement
What is the need for us to follow
these habits. Are not we doing good?
Other thing, world
around us is focusing on personality driven leadership. Our focus on the
society and environment are driven towards Money, Fame, Expensive cars and
foreign trips etc etc. Best examples are like Vijay Mallya or Satyam CEO, they
were great personalities and lost the race because of lack of principles. To be
an effective leadership, it is always better to focus on all 4 dimensions and intrinsic
driven values and habits.
Steven covey takes
about principle driven leadership. If your principles are intact, you are high
effective in all dimensions of life. …
Tagline for today:
Kaizen (Relentless never ending continuous improvement)
Conclusion:-
Hans
Selye says, A long, healthy, and happy life is the result of making
contributions, of having meaningful projects that are personally exciting and
contribute to and bless the lives of others
As we want
to shine as Hero and Heroine, we need to constantly work on Sharpening the Saw.
பட்டையை தீட்டுங்க; பட்டையை கிளப்புங்க
Reference:-
Theme for the week: Sharpen
the Saw – Habit 7 –
Courtesy: Steven Covey’s 7 Habits of highly effective people.
(Start Date 30th Nov, End date 6th Dec – Saturday
to Friday)
Today’s Videos:-
7 Habits of Highly Effective People - Habit 7 - Presented
by Stephen Covey Himself
இந்த YouTube channel லை வாழ வைக்கும் தெய்வங்களாகிய எல்லா ஹீரோயின்களுக்கும், ஹீரோக்களுக்கும் வணக்கம்.
I keep Steven covey as a general theme. Individual episode can be viewed separately for any new comer to this channel, or can be viewed it as a series.
Common Theme for the week (till today (29th Nov)) - Synergize (Courtesy: Stephen Covey).
Synergize - The Habit of Creative Cooperation
Courtesy: The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People – Signature Program
Paradigm:
Ineffective: It’s either your way or my way, or a compromise.
Effective: Together we can create a better way, a higher way (Illayara’s Orchestra or Bono / U2 Music Band).
Priniciple:
The whole is greater than the sum of its parts.
Behaviour
•Value and celebrate the differences.
•Practice creative cooperation.
Result:
•Innovation and invention
•New and better solutions
•Transformed relationships
•Appreciation of diverse perspectives
Let me start with a self-confession. I am not a Leadership guru, management consultant or OD specialist. Whatever I am sharing is not my own content. These are all the content I have learned in various walks of life through books, mentors and others. Most of it is all my own (சுட்ட பழம்) content (give credits wherever it is applicable). I see myself as a work in progress guy. I am not an expert in team building. Like most of you, I am also learning from this.
Today’s topic is – 5 tips to synergize @ work.
1.Clear objective and common goal – Most of the times, we all have clear vision and mission on paper / poster and it won’t reach or synthesised in the team. It has to become a DNA of your team. It has to become a heartbeat for each and every team member. To do that we have to communicate your vision as if Vijay Sethupathi does it in Imaikkaa nodigal by repeating the same message again and again with his trademark “Ok Baby”style or Colgate ads.
2.To have synergistic team, we have to hire right diversified team. In the initial part of managerial journey, I mostly hired “Like Me” team member and burnt myself a lot. We have to be judicious in hiring a lot. Hiring mistakes are very costly to the team and org. It takes 18 months to 3 years to rectify wrong hiring.
Jim Collins in Good to Great says we need to hire(on-board) right person on the bus and right person on the right seat. Right person for the right role is very important.
We speak about diversity a lot. In my opinion, it is mostly restricted to gender diversity. It needs to be extended to diversity in thinking, diversity in ethnic groups, diversity in culture, diversity in race/religion/beliefs. Hire diversified team member in your team. Hire someone smarter than us who can challenge our status quo. These are few things that help to synergise better.
3.Empowerment – After hiring a diversified team, it is our duty as a leader to empower them. Rajesh, it is high impossible. We are always running behind deadlines and schedules. We do not have time anything other than our deliverables. If you think this way, I guess, we need to revisit Habit 2. Spend more time in Quadrant 2. Build trust in teams is the key. 5:1 appreciation and constructive feedback. Promote collectivism in teams. We have to wear the hat of a Coach. There may be a great individualistic team member and struggling to gel with team. It is our duty to promote collectivism and synergy in team.
Similar to Bigil movie football matches; good teammates don’t try to hog the ball (or the spotlight). They know that the success of the team is more important than the success of any individual player, so they help each other out, and they trust their teammates to do the same.
Showing your team that you have faith in their abilities and that you trust them to do their job well is the most important job a team leader has. And a team with no faith in itself is not likely to succeed.
4.Communicate, Communicate, communicate – one of the biggest complaints from my management team or wherever we go, most of our team members, they won’t talk. We won’t even talk if we have any executive visits. Our lips are sealed with Fevicol most of the times. It is the responsibility of the leader to make them talk or get questions upfront from the teams before executive meeting will be more effective. Make them communicate their views. Communication is the KEY element for synergy.
Find a way to address conflict and have crucial conversation then and there. Thereby you can avoid forming groups. Similar to political parties, there is a high tendency that your team may form groups like DMK or AIADMK or third front groups formation in work place as well. Keep rotating and move them out of comfort zone always help to build more synergy.
5.Fun and Freedom – Similar to Fish management book, we need to have fun in the game in your leadership role and your team should feel the same.
a.No emails / meetings on Fridays
b.Focus time for employees to learn and experiment on their own. Most of the introverts in the team need time for themselves to bring their best. Need some solitude time as well.
c.Open door policies
d.3 M’s detrimental to synergy are Managers, Meetings and Mails.
e.Informal lunch get-together.
Conclusion:-
Try to practice 5 tips in workplace to bring synergy. Please share your ideas in the comments section as well.
These are not complicated. James C Hunter in “The Servant” book says, Simple rule is to treat people the way you would want to be treated. The Golden rule, you know, be the boss you wish your boss would be, the parent you wish your parent had been more fully for you, the neighbour you wish your neighbour would be. Today, I am not here to instruct you. Today, I am here to remind you.
To be successful at work place(வெற்றிக்கொடி கட்டு), let us take Synergy in our hands.
Tips:- Use Talking Stick while having one to one discussion either in personal or professional setting. This can be used in our daily conversation with our spouses, teenage daughters/sons, brothers/sisters or with our mom. This can be used in our team meeting as well.
Foundation of any relationship is deeper level of understanding. Let’s understand, then to be understood.
Reference:-
Theme for the week: Synergize – Habit 6 – Courtesy: Steven Covey’s 7 Habits of highly effective people.
(Start Date 23rd Nov, End date 29th Nov – Saturday to Friday)
Today’s Videos:-
Week’s Video for quick reference.
41 Habit 6: Synergize - Part C: The Perspective of Humility
I keep Steven covey
as a general theme. Individual episode can be viewed separately for any new comer
to this channel, or can be viewed it as a series.
Common Theme for
the week (till today (29th Nov)) - Synergize (Courtesy: Stephen Covey).
Synergize
- The Habit of Creative Cooperation
Courtesy: The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People –
Signature Program
Paradigm:
Ineffective:
It’s either your way or my way, or a compromise.
Effective: Together we can create a
better way, a higher way (Illayara’s Orchestra or Bono / U2 Music Band).
Priniciple:
The whole is
greater than the sum of its parts.
Behaviour
· Value and
celebrate the differences.
· Practice
creative cooperation.
Result:
· Innovation
and invention
· New and
better solutions
· Transformed
relationships
· Appreciation
of diverse perspectives
Let me start with a self-confession. I am not a behavioural
scientist, family counsellor or person with Psychology background. Whatever I
am sharing is not my own content. These are all the content I have learned in
various walks of life through books, mentors and others. Most of it are all
sutta content (give credits wherever it is applicable). I see myself as a work
in progress guy. I am not an expert in relationship. Like most of you, I am
also learning from this.
Today’s topic is – 5 tips for
developing a synergized family (Husband/wife relationship). As Family is my No. 1 ball in priority and it
is a glass ball to me. I choose this topic. You can apply the messages to your
respective balls. Which we spoke about in EP-19 – Panchathanthiram (பஞ்சதந்திரம்) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gSWa4YAky0Y&t=430s
5 tips for developing a synergized family
are:-
1. The difficult thing on earth understands
oneself. I am aged 47 and still I am finding it very difficult to understand
myself. On top of it, we are pushing ourselves to understand the other person
after marriage/relationship. It becomes doubly complicated. Before understanding
a person, we need to understand their background, upbringing, family values, their
families, their inspiring role models etc. this helps to understand the person.
We can take the help of personality type tools (EP
3 Naan Yaar https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8ceUDENFHJ0)
as well to understand us and our spouses and our compatibility between the two.
For eg., I am INFP and my wife is ESTJ. Googles give the compatibility between
two personalities types ( Google Search on eg., ESTJ and INFP relationship) gives
a lot of reading & can be a good start point. It needs to be followed by
self-analysis and awareness. Our mind is a very complex neural network and it
is very difficult predict us in general.
2. Our Indian family marriage system is not the
marriage of two people. As chetan Bhagat says in “Two States” novel and it is
the marriage of two families. We have to understand two families. We need to
value and celebrate differences which we discussed in EP-52 – வேற்றுமைஎடு Celebrate பண்ணு, கொண்டாடு – Value & Celebrate differences - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OiuO1eN4QtI&t=269s.
We need to value our wife’s family and our families and celebrate the differences.
This brings happiness in both families.
I think it’s time for us to move away from
Patriarchal thinking in families.
3. Whenever I have any issue with my wife and I go
and tell to my friend’s in our Friday night dinners. My wife tells with her
friends. This complicates things unnecessary. Let us have Crucial conversations
with your spouse/loved ones directly (சிங்கத்தை கோட்டை யிலேயே சந்திக்கிறது).
Find a time wherein you can talk
objectively either in a public place or coffee shop or park benches when
children are not at home. Please avoid home environment as we may tend to
behave very subjectively in the initial stages of conversations.
4. Have family time and together time with your
loved ones. We go for morning walks with my wife wherein we discuss our daily
challenges. My coach Ms. Shyla recommends having ritual time with family.
5. Detoxify from devices. We recently did the
exercise in children’s day to disconnect from all devices. We had a good time
with my daughters.
I found few
articles on this. I am attaching the same in the today’s cheat sheet.
Try to
practice 5 tips in daily basis brings synergy in family. Please share your
ideas in the comments section as well. Synergy in family brings happiness in
home, families and can influence others as well.
To live a
100 years life in marriage(நூறு வருஷம்இந்தமாப்பிள்ளையும்பெண்ணு தான்), let us take
Synergy in our hands.
Tips:- Use Talking Stick while having one to one discussion
either in personal or professional setting. This can be used in our daily
conversation with our spouses, teenage daughters/sons, brothers/sisters or with
our mom. This can be used in our team meeting as well.
Foundation of any relationship is deeper level of
understanding. Let’s understand, then to be understood.
Reference:-
Theme for the week: Synergize
– Habit 6 – Courtesy:
Steven Covey’s 7 Habits of highly effective people.
(Start Date 23rd Nov, End date 29th Nov –
Saturday to Friday)
Today’s Videos:-
Week’s Video for quick reference.
41 Habit 6: Synergize - Part C: The
Perspective of Humility
I keep Steven covey as a general theme. Individual episode can be viewed separately for any new comer to this channel, or can be viewed it as a series.
Common Theme for the week (till today (29th Nov)) - Synergize (Courtesy: Stephen Covey).
Synergize - The Habit of Creative Cooperation
Courtesy: The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People – Signature Program
Paradigm:
Ineffective: It’s either your way or my way, or a compromise.
Effective: Together we can create a better way, a higher way (Illayara’s Orchestra or Bono / U2 Music Band).
Priniciple:
The whole is greater than the sum of its parts.
Behaviour
•Value and celebrate the differences.
•Practice creative cooperation.
Result:
•Innovation and invention
•New and better solutions
•Transformed relationships
•Appreciation of diverse perspectives
Preview: Mauritius
FranklinCovey's The 7 Habits Video Preview: Mauritius
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GU9VCzj9W-k
Highlights of Mauritius
•Literacy is 98%
•Employment 100%
•There are no race riots
•The police don’t carry guns
•Interfaith celebration of religious holidays is common practice.
•Mauritius has the longest uninterrupted history of democracy in Africa
How do they practice Creative Cooperation:-
•Because there are so many different cultures and communities around, we use to listen to the others, we have to take care of the others & their opinions and we readily accept them. It means the idea is to try and get a little bit of everything.
•It emerges. They think after all this struggle, we have born for, we have been able to understand that there is nothing better than understanding, helping, sharing, and giving even to anybody who is next to you.
•How can you value the differences in your team?
How did they practice creative cooperation in Mauritius.
Practice Creative Cooperation
Synergizing is a creative process that explores new possibilities to benefit all parties involved. At its best, it is a process that results in Third Alternative.
•Check willingness. Be willing to search for a solution that is better than what either of you has in mind.
•Reflect viewpoints. Restate the other’s viewpoint to his or her satisfaction before you state your own.
•Create new ideas. Propose and refine new ideas. Go back for further understanding until you arrive at a Third Alternative.
Step 1
Check willingness
When you face a problem or an opportunity, start the Getting to Synergy process by asking the other party, “Would you be willing to search for a solution that is better than what either of us has in mind?”
Often a lack of trust is one of the reasons people are unwilling to search for a Third Alternative. Fill in the common “blocks” to synergy below.
Most of our success achievement and happiness come from the quality of relationship that we have with others.
We humans have certain limitations to perform a certain task and together we can get more work done in comparatively less time.
People who are truly effective have the humility and reverence to recognize their own perceptual limitations and appreciate the rich resources available through interaction with the hearts and minds of other human beings. – Stephen R. Covey.
Step 2
Reflect Viewpoints
As you continue the process of Getting to Synergy, ask the other party, “Would you agree to a simple ground rule: I can’t make my point until I restate yours to your satisfaction; you can’t make your point until you restate mine to my satisfaction?”
The “Talking Stick”
Only the person holding the Talking Stick is allowed to speak. Once that person feels understood, he or she passes the Talking Stick to the next person.
Humility and Reverence for others
When you feel you are right, are you willing to put aside your own personal views and feelings so you can truly listen to the other person?
Willing Unwilling
When you feel your ideas are being attacked, are you willing to keep yourself open to the thoughts and feelings of others that may be uncomfortable for you?
Open Not Open
Do you believe that humility and vulnerability are actually strengths and not weaknesses?
Strengths Weaknesses
Step 3
Create New Ideas
Once you feel you have achieved a solid level of mutual understanding, purpose and refine alternatives: a new insight, a model, a plan of action, or a prototype. Keep refining, creating, and going back for further understanding until you have arrived at a Third Alternative.
Going for a Third Alternative takes an enormous amount of internal security. You begin with the spirit of adventure and discovery. You leave your comfort zone and comfort an entirely new and unknown wilderness. But in doing so, you become a pathfinder. You open new possibilities and new territories that others can follow.
You’ll know you’ve created a Third Alternative when you both:
•Have a change of heart.
•Feel new energy and excitement.
•See things in a new way.
•Feel the relationship has transformed.
•End up with an idea that is better than what either of you started with.
Quote: don’t expect anything original from an echo – Dune Muncy.
Application suggestions:
•Make a list of people who irritate you. Do they represent different views that could lead to synergy if you had greater intrinsic security and valued the difference?
•The next time you have a disagreement or confrontation with someone; attempt to understand the concerns underlying that person’s position. Address those concerns in a creative and mutually beneficial way.
Tips:- Use Talking Stick while having one to one discussion either in personal or professional setting. This can be used in our daily conversation with our spouses, teenage daughters/sons, brothers/sisters or with our mom. This can be used in our team meeting as well.
Foundation of any relationship is deeper level of understanding. Let’s understand, then to be understood.
Conclusion:-
Similar to practicing creative cooperation like Mauritius, we can practice it in Teams (EP-53) and even in Families.
That is why, it is habit, not hardwork
Reference:-
Theme for the week: Synergize – Habit 6 – Courtesy: Steven Covey’s 7 Habits of highly effective people.
(Start Date 23rd Nov, End date 29th Nov – Saturday to Friday)
Today’s Videos:-
Week’s Video for quick reference.
41 Habit 6: Synergize - Part C: The Perspective of Humility
இந்த YouTube channel லை வாழ வைக்கும் தெய்வங்களாகிய எல்லா ஹீரோயின்களுக்கும், ஹீரோக்களுக்கும் வணக்கம்.
I keep Steven covey
as a general theme. Individual episode can be viewed separately for any new comer
to this channel, or can be viewed it as a series.
Common Theme for
the week (till today (29th Nov)) - Synergize (Courtesy: Stephen Covey).
Synergize
- The Habit of Creative Cooperation
Courtesy: The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People –
Signature Program
Paradigm:
Ineffective:
It’s either your way or my way, or a compromise.
Effective: Together we can create a better
way, a higher way (Illayara’s Orchestra or Bono / U2 Music Band).
Priniciple:
The whole is
greater than the sum of its parts.
Behaviour
· Value and
celebrate the differences.
· Practice
creative cooperation.
Result:
· Innovation
and invention
· New and better
solutions
· Transformed
relationships
· Appreciation
of diverse perspectives
Who is the person not having problems in our life? Who is
the person not having issues in relationship?
If you dig
deeper into our problems, most of the problems are manmade problems. By nature,
we are synergistic. From planetary system to Geese movement, all are
synergistic. Whereas if I take “The Hindu” paper today, most of the problems
are manmade problems.
Let me take
big problems of today
· Macro Issues
o India / Pak
o Kashmir /
China problems
o Problems due
to all regions, all ISMs
· Micro Issues
o Husband wife
problems
o In-laws
problems
o Sibling
rivalries
Basically we know about the problems. What is the solution
to our problem?
This is where I want to go to Stephen Covey’s video.
5things that I learnt today are:-
Most of us tend to think we see objectively unaware that we’re
looking through our lens of experience, of conditioning, of scripting we
call that a paradigm, a pair of glasses. We are in a tunnel vision like
horses.
I do not see the
world as it is, I see the world as I am.
The key to
objectivity is to accept subjectivity
So this concept of valuing differences is just not a good
idea it’s not just something that brings unity if something that creates
through a cooperative communication process whole new options, new
alternatives.
If people will practice habits four, five and six Covey
says, he is genuinely excited by this experience we just had because I see
in the power of four, five and six the capability of solving any human
problem
Covey suggests following habit 4, habit 5 and 6 to solve
all problems
Today’s topic is : The Perspective of
Humility
Let me go back to Stephen covey on the
Perspective of Humility.
Lessons learnt from Video - Part C: The
Perspective of Humility
Why is it works?
Why is it produces something that is synergistic.
Do I have to sell out on my principles and values?
In fact, it is opposite; you actualize on principles and
values.
When you come up with the second half of habit 5 then to
be understood you can fully articulate
But when you go into habit 6 synergy - the dynamic
interaction of these people start to create solutions that are so opposite
sometimes then the original intention of one for the other
These may be just words to you until you experience it
you could hear this and still tonight get embroiled with
your spouse in a fight or with your kids
You could leave this very assembly and have some negative
interaction with someone and immediately seek first to be understood
The most dreaded thing to happen in marriage or in the
family is to destroy the ability to communicate synergistically and to
solve problems
You see the world not as it is but as you are
Most of us tend to think we see objectively unaware that we’re
looking through our lens of experience, of conditioning, of scripting we
call that a paradigm, a pair of glasses
The frame of reference out of which you operate the
implicit assumptions you operate on
Now the key to
objectivity is to accept subjectivity
To be aware I do
not see the world as it is, I see the world as I am.
Therefore if there is a difference what someone else sees
it differently based upon their experiences
I need their experience otherwise I will suffer forever
from an insufficiency of data
So this concept of valuing differences is just not a good
idea it’s not just something that brings unity if something that creates
through a cooperative communication process whole new options, New
alternatives
This idea of humility of accepting your subjective
involvement is not just some nice principle
It is a reality that people see things differently and
You need access to that and through the interaction the
spirit of win-win Habit 4
The spirit of seeking first of understand then to be
understood Habit 5
And as the people respectfully and empathically
communicate with each other back and forth something new happens
Covey says, “You can take any issue you want and create a
third alternative”
If people will practice habits four, five and six Covey
says, he is genuinely excited by his experience we just had because I see
in the power of four, five and six the capability of solving any human
problem
Application
suggestions:
· Make a list of people who irritate you. Do they
represent different views that could lead to synergy if you had greater
intrinsic security and valued the difference?
· The next time you have a disagreement or
confrontation with someone; attempt to understand the concerns underlying that
person’s position. Address those concerns in a creative and mutually beneficial
way.
Tips:- Use Talking Stick while having one to one discussion
either in personal or professional setting. This can be used in our daily
conversation with our spouses, teenage daughters/sons, brothers/sisters or with
our mom. This can be used in our team meeting as well.
Foundation of any relationship is deeper level of
understanding. Let’s understand, then to be understood.
Conclusion:-
All problems are manmade problems. All problems are due to
lack of understanding. Any problem can be solved by deeper understanding.
We are talking about Public victory. To practice public victory
and to become let us take Habit 4, 5 and 6 and practice it daily.
By working with different set of
challenging people, not only we grow, we grow with others as well.
Reference:-
Theme for the week: Synergize
– Habit 6 – Courtesy:
Steven Covey’s 7 Habits of highly effective people.
(Start Date 23rd Nov, End date 29th Nov –
Saturday to Friday)
Today’s Videos:-
41 Habit 6: Synergize - Part C: The
Perspective of Humility
இந்த YouTube channel லை வாழ வைக்கும் தெய்வங்களாகிய எல்லா ஹீரோக்களுக்கும்ஹீரோயின்களுக்கும்வணக்கம்.
I keep Steven covey
as a general theme. Individual episode can be viewed separately for any new comer
to this channel. Common Theme for the week (til today (29th Nov)) -
Synergise (Courtesy: Stephen Covey).
Synergise
- The Habit of Creative Cooperation
Courtesy: The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People –
Signature Program
Paradigm:
Ineffective:
It’s either your way or my way, or a compromise.
Effective: Together we can create a
better way, a higher way (Illayara’s Orchestra or Bono / U2 Music Band).
Priniciple:
The whole is
greater than the sum of its parts.
Behaviour
· Value and
celebrate the differences.
· Practice
creative cooperation.
Result:
· Innovation
and invention
· New and
better solutions
· Transformed relationships
· Appreciation
of diverse perspectives
Today’s topic is Creating The Third
Alternative
There was one of colleagues. He got
double graduation from premier institutes. He was good in analytical thinking,
lateral thinking and an excellent leader like Aaruchi swami in Swamy movie (ஆறுச்சாமி). He was the
extremely smart guy.
What generally happens in corporates
is other colleagues either ignore him or nullify his accolades. It was either win-lose
or compromise.
My manager mentored me and suggested me
whether I could work with him. He always thinks in binaries. It was either 1 or
zero. He was a hard worker. He always pushed his envelope and others. He worked
12-16 hours every day.
By working with him, I was challenged
every day. I had to expose my vulnerable state. He worked in binary whereas I
had many grey areas to address. I always worried for the team. I was a person
with bleeding heart because of that I was not challenging my team enough. I was
making some hiring mistakes which he helped to identify and correct. He helped
me in identifying and overcoming weak areas like Public speaking and leadership
aspect. In a nutshell, he won’t allow anyone to stay in comfort zone. He pushed
everyone envelope in the team.
We created a common mission
statement. We wanted to create the best of best team in company. That was our purpose
as per Habit 2 Begin with the end in mind.
Purpose: Create the best team in our
company wherein everyone is challenged to bring the best of the best.
It was not compromise. It was not my
way or his way and it was our way.
He took me and few of my colleagues
to Abdul kalam event that held in IIT,Chennai. We went to Tedx events. Our
working relationships and combination became a lethal combination.
Yes I was challenged in a day basis.
That is when, I brought the best in myself.
Even in the team level, we never
allowed to have groups. We created teams in such a way that everyone brought
their best to the table. We never allowed groupism and adversarial ISM.
After two years of hard work, our
dream of becoming the best team in the company got materialized and our team
was awarded the best team of the company. Every one of us celebrated the moment
in a beach resort in Mahabs.
We had openness in the team. We
followed win-win attitude every day. We had a longer discussion to find the
best solution keeping in common purpose in mind. We never allowed anyone to
stay in comfort zone. We were pushing the envelope on a daily basis. It was the
classic example of third alternatives.
Not only my friend and I got
benefited from this. Along with us around 50 other team members got benefited.
Our company got benefited. It was a golden era in 25 years of experience.
Let me go back to Stephen covey on
creating 3rd alternatives.
Lessons learnt from the video:- Part B:
Creating The Third Alternative
· People who have very strong feelings
· Tend to be really strongly identified with kind
of the purist approach to certain things like environment
· Some are on the other side of this continuum
· Are you prepared to look for a solution that is
better than the one you have in your head / better than the one you’re thinking
right now
· We generally have strong feelings with our own
belief systems / arguments
· Are we open-minded?
· Before synergy – need to have a common purpose
which is what synergy
· The purpose is to find a solution that is better
than the one the other person is going to recommend
· Usually It takes about an hour to 2 hours. It
can’t be achieved in short period of time.
· What is the common goal here?
· Both persons have to think deeply win-win
towards the purpose of synergy.
· Synergy is the fruit. The purpose is to go for
synergy.
· Unless they’re anchored sufficiently inside
themselves that the security lies primarily not in their positions and views
but in their integrity to principles
· Covey really question whether people can
practice habits four, five and six
· One person feels deep and strong to our views
· We have to be careful that we don’t judge the
other person for his/her views
· To judge the other person because of their deep convictions
would put us into kind of a win-lose attitude towards the other person
· At times, maybe the other person hasn’t
articulated the depth of their feelings
· Both parties in any conversation have at least a
tentative attitude towards win-win
· Tentative win-win – they don’t know what is it
going to be and that usually happens you don’t know what’s going to happen – a
third mind has to be created (Nettri
Kann)
· Convey guarantees us once we get that you’re on
your way to third alternatives now.
· Seek to understand first
· Bring humour wherever possible to lighten up the
mood.
· Habit 5 – Seek first to understand, then to be
understood.
· We generally help the other person to
understand.
· What is our initial tendency here – to help the
other person to understand
· Let’s establish a ground rule you cannot make
your point until you restate the others point to his or her satisfaction (need to be insisted in habit 6).
· The other has to feel understood – this is where
the magic thing happening in conversations
· Restate the other person’s point.
· You can’t ask questions. Because in a sense
Questions are rhetorical statements. You cannot ask questions.
· You have to restate the other person’s point of
view until he feels understood and we can’t do anything until that’s been done
· It is always a difficult balance to get.
· To testify this – you listen with the intent to
reply or with the intent to understand
· Collective wisdom
· It is not about agreeing or disagreeing
· It is not about taking either / or positions
· Only seeking to understand
· Mimicking is only form of empathic listening
· The other person needs to feel he was
understood.
· Understand the other persons feeling and
convictions
· Not the deepest understanding
· While listening to the other person – we need to
question ourselves
o are we preparing our reply in our head?.
o Are we judging what the other person’s saying
o Or are we truly listening
o We can all try our best to listen / trying very
hard to listen to other person’s perspective.
o We can all try very hard to understand
o Listening and understanding are two different
things
o Listening for understanding, not listening to
reply
o Not listening to judge
o Listening for understanding which means you have
to get into his frame of reference how the other person sees it
o Until the other person feels understood what
first of all you notice between the spirit between the two of you right now
compared to before.
o Truly listening to the other person’s view
o Less adversarial, a lot less adversarial
o Adversarial ISM is a seedbed to all kinds of
other things
o We are generally avoiding that seedbed
o Be patient
o My day in court will come
o My job now is to only understand
o Have the use of more self-knowledge and
self-awareness is so vital
o I am not to judge
o I am not to agree
o I am not to disagree
o I am going to persist
o Make the other person’s point as well as she
made it and express the depth of the conviction
o Were you genuinely empathic in understanding
well
o See the validity of the other person point
o What about the total openness of just seeking to
understand with no intent to judge at all.
o No compromising
o You are seeking to understand in order to judge
later or to take position later
o A higher understanding and a solution that is
better than the one you’re recommending and better than the one see that you
o What is the quality of the relationship with
each other.
o Perception of each other has changed in deeper
conversations / communications.
o Real sincere effort of openness and wanting to
be influenced and then of having influence
o and how synergy resulted well, we can sense more
of the spirit of reverence and respect than we saw earlier.
Application
suggestions:
· Make a list of people who irritate you. Do they
represent different views that could lead to synergy if you had greater
intrinsic security and valued the difference?
· The next time you have a disagreement or
confrontation with someone; attempt to understand the concerns underlying that
person’s position. Address those concerns in a creative and mutually beneficial
way.
Jack Ma videos
Jack Ma career advice: You don’t have to be smart to be
successful
Tips:- Use Talking Stick while having one to one discussion
either in personal or professional setting. This can be used in our daily
conversation with our spouses, teenage daughters/sons, brothers/sisters or with
our mom. This can be used in our team meeting as well.
Foundation of any relationship is deeper level of
understanding. Let’s understand, then to be understood.
We have winner’s from our contest:
Contest Details:-
Take one personal or professional relationship.
Follow 5 levels of listening – Empathetic listening
Other person has to give the certificate or you can give
self-certificate
Top 3 winners will get books –
1. First Prize : Lights from many lamps goes to : Sudha
Rajesh & A.Ramesh
2. 2nd
Prize : Alchemist goes
to Priya
3. 3rd
Prize : Monk who sold his
Ferrari goes JayaPriya
Congrats to the winners and viewers
Conclusion:-
Try to incorporate
third alternatives at home. We were not raised to value and celebrate
differences. Let us practice synergy at home to celebrate synergy.
You are average of 5 people you are
with.
By working with different set of
challenging people, not only we grow, we grow with others as well.
Reference:-
Theme for the week: Synergize
– Habit 6 – Courtesy:
Steven Covey’s 7 Habits of highly effective people.
(Start Date 23rd Nov, End date 29th Nov –
Saturday to Friday)
Today’s Videos:-
40 Habit 6: Synergize - Part B: Creating The Third
Alternative
