எல்லா ஹீரோக்களுக்கும் ஹீரோயின் களுக்கும் வணக்கம்.
Theme for the week (from
today till next Friday (8th Nov)) - Private Victory to Public Victory
(Courtesy: Stephen Covey).
today till next Friday (8th Nov)) - Private Victory to Public Victory
(Courtesy: Stephen Covey).
We have seen some hero moments so far. For a change, I want
to talk about my zero moments today which are related to EBA.
to talk about my zero moments today which are related to EBA.
It was August 2002, a month after our marriage. It was a Sunday evening at 5.45pm, we entered the mall in US, and it was the first shopping mall experience for Sudha. She was excited with her list of things to buy and I was proudly leading from the front as I was fulfilling her dream shopping experience in USA (சிங்க நடை போட்டு).
I immediately rushed to a security guy and realized that the
mall closes at 6 pm on every Sunday. That moment, when I uttered the news to
Sudha, all her first shopping experience and expectation went for a toss. She
was deeply disappointed. I saw a Chandramukhi Jothika in her saying “Lakka
Lakka Lakka….”
mall closes at 6 pm on every Sunday. That moment, when I uttered the news to
Sudha, all her first shopping experience and expectation went for a toss. She
was deeply disappointed. I saw a Chandramukhi Jothika in her saying “Lakka
Lakka Lakka….”
I could feel the tension between us. We were talking in mono
syllable like a Mani Ratham movie “Yes”, No I hate you etc. Remembered we were
just married a month ago.
syllable like a Mani Ratham movie “Yes”, No I hate you etc. Remembered we were
just married a month ago.
We came home. My convincing strategy of taking her to the
mall next day ended in vain. I returned from the mall as if Vadivel got betting
from everyone in movies.
mall next day ended in vain. I returned from the mall as if Vadivel got betting
from everyone in movies.
Even today, she says all my sothappal can be put as 100 episodes. On a lighter note, that is the Part II after 100 days.
Let us revisit yesterday’s episode.
What is emotional bank account?
The Emotional Bank Account is the production capability side
of human relationships, human interaction.
of human relationships, human interaction.
An emotional bank account is
an account of trust instead of money. It's an account based
on how safe you feel with another person.
an account of trust instead of money. It's an account based
on how safe you feel with another person.
Deposits |
Withdrawals |
Show kindness, courtesy, respect. |
Show unkindness, discourtesy, disrespect. |
Make & Keep promises. |
Don’t make promises, or Make and Break promises. சொல்வதை செய்வோம் செய்வதை சொல்வோம் |
Clear expectations / unambiguous |
Unclear expectations / Ambiguous. Frustration is product of our expectations. |
Loyalty to the absent. · If you want to retain those who are present, be loyal to those who are absent |
Disloyalty and duplicity, deceitfulness, badmouth |
Apologize. · Apologize, forget and forgive, let go of resentment. |
Pride, Be Proud and arrogant. |
Seek first to understand |
Assume you understand |
Set clear expectations. |
Create unclear expectations. |
Apologize. |
Be Proud and arrogant. |
Give Feedback (“I” messages) |
Give no feedback or evaluate character (“You” messages). |
Forgive. |
Hold grudges. |
Covey
identifies six ways to make deposits (or reduce withdrawals):
identifies six ways to make deposits (or reduce withdrawals):
Courtesy: Your
Emotional Bank Account By M.J. Clark, M.A., APR
Emotional Bank Account By M.J. Clark, M.A., APR
1) Understanding the Individual.
·
This means listening intently to what the other
person is saying and
This means listening intently to what the other
person is saying and
·
Empathizing with how they may feel.
Empathizing with how they may feel.
·
Feeling is key in any relationship which we
discussed in EP-6 – Feelings(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fhl8AH3l-Tc&t=45s)
Feeling is key in any relationship which we
discussed in EP-6 – Feelings(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fhl8AH3l-Tc&t=45s)
·
It’s important to care for others and act with
kindness toward them.
It’s important to care for others and act with
kindness toward them.
·
To take it little further scientifically, we can
get the help of MBTI test to understand our dear and near ones which discussed
in EP-3 – Naan Yaar (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8ceUDENFHJ0&t=251s)
To take it little further scientifically, we can
get the help of MBTI test to understand our dear and near ones which discussed
in EP-3 – Naan Yaar (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8ceUDENFHJ0&t=251s)
2) Keeping Commitments. How do you feel when someone arrives
right on time when you have a meeting? How about when people simply do what
they say they will do? You build up an emotional reserve by keeping your
commitments.
right on time when you have a meeting? How about when people simply do what
they say they will do? You build up an emotional reserve by keeping your
commitments.
3) Clarifying Expectations. We are not mind readers, and yet
we consistently expect others to know what we expect of them. Communicating our
expectations can help create a higher level of trust. When we ask for what we
want, and we get it, we can then trust a little more.
we consistently expect others to know what we expect of them. Communicating our
expectations can help create a higher level of trust. When we ask for what we
want, and we get it, we can then trust a little more.
In the above incident, I did not meet her expectations
properly. I delayed the whole day till the end. I slept in the afternoon
instead of taking her to the mall. I did not aware of the mall hours. As it was
her first shopping experience, I should have planned or asked someone about
mall hours.
properly. I delayed the whole day till the end. I slept in the afternoon
instead of taking her to the mall. I did not aware of the mall hours. As it was
her first shopping experience, I should have planned or asked someone about
mall hours.
Most of the men like me give too much of expectations and
did the mistakes in the end without proper planning. Even if they make
mistakes, we do not apologise which we will discuss in detail tomorrow.
did the mistakes in the end without proper planning. Even if they make
mistakes, we do not apologise which we will discuss in detail tomorrow.
My 2 cents to my women counterpart is, men are not mind
readers, if you have any expectations, please discuss with them so that it sets
the right expectations which increases trust. To have more deposits in personal
relationship lies in understanding the small things (சின்ன சின்ன
புரிதல் தாங்க உறவின் மஹிமை).
readers, if you have any expectations, please discuss with them so that it sets
the right expectations which increases trust. To have more deposits in personal
relationship lies in understanding the small things (சின்ன சின்ன
புரிதல் தாங்க உறவின் மஹிமை).
Reference:-
Theme for the week: Private
Victory to Public Victory –
Courtesy: Steven Covey’s 7 Habits of highly effective people.
Victory to Public Victory –
Courtesy: Steven Covey’s 7 Habits of highly effective people.
(Start Date 02nd Nov, End date 8th Nov – Saturday
to Friday)
to Friday)
Today’s video:-
13 The 7 Habits Foundational Principles Part M - Deposits &
Withdrawals
Withdrawals
Yesterday’s video:-
12 The 7 Habits Foundational Principles Part L - Emotional Bank Account
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