SPA - Spread Positive Awareness: EP-56 – நூறு வருஷம் இந்த மாப்பிள்ளையும் பெண்ணு தான் - 5 tips for developing a synergized family – Synergize - Habit-6 – Zero to Hero 100 days Personal Transformation Journey

I keep Steven covey
as a general theme. Individual episode can be viewed separately for any new comer
to this channel, or can be viewed it as a series.

Common Theme for
the week (till today (29^th Nov)) - Synergize (Courtesy: Stephen Covey).

Synergize
- The Habit of Creative Cooperation

Courtesy: The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People –
Signature Program

Paradigm:

Ineffective:
It’s either your way or my way, or a compromise.

Effective: Together we can create a
better way, a higher way (Illayara’s Orchestra or Bono / U2 Music Band).

Priniciple:

The whole is
greater than the sum of its parts.

Behaviour

·
Value and
celebrate the differences.

·
Practice
creative cooperation.

Result:

·
Innovation
and invention

·
New and
better solutions

·
Transformed
relationships

·
Appreciation
of diverse perspectives

Let me start with a self-confession. I am not a behavioural
scientist, family counsellor or person with Psychology background. Whatever I
am sharing is not my own content. These are all the content I have learned in
various walks of life through books, mentors and others. Most of it are all
sutta content (give credits wherever it is applicable). I see myself as a work
in progress guy. I am not an expert in relationship. Like most of you, I am
also learning from this.

Today’s topic is – 5 tips for
developing a synergized family (Husband/wife relationship). As Family is my No. 1 ball in priority and it
is a glass ball to me. I choose this topic. You can apply the messages to your
respective balls. Which we spoke about in EP-19 – Panchathanthiram (பஞ்சதந்திரம்) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gSWa4YAky0Y&t=430s

5 tips for developing a synergized family
are:-

1.
The difficult thing on earth understands
oneself. I am aged 47 and still I am finding it very difficult to understand
myself. On top of it, we are pushing ourselves to understand the other person
after marriage/relationship. It becomes doubly complicated. Before understanding
a person, we need to understand their background, upbringing, family values, their
families, their inspiring role models etc. this helps to understand the person.

We can take the help of personality type tools (EP
3 Naan Yaar https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8ceUDENFHJ0)
as well to understand us and our spouses and our compatibility between the two.
For eg., I am INFP and my wife is ESTJ. Googles give the compatibility between
two personalities types ( Google Search on eg., ESTJ and INFP relationship) gives
a lot of reading & can be a good start point. It needs to be followed by
self-analysis and awareness. Our mind is a very complex neural network and it
is very difficult predict us in general.

2.
Our Indian family marriage system is not the
marriage of two people. As chetan Bhagat says in “Two States” novel and it is
the marriage of two families. We have to understand two families. We need to
value and celebrate differences which we discussed in EP-52 – வேற்றுமை எடு Celebrate பண்ணு, கொண்டாடு – Value & Celebrate differences - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OiuO1eN4QtI&t=269s.
We need to value our wife’s family and our families and celebrate the differences.
This brings happiness in both families.

I think it’s time for us to move away from
Patriarchal thinking in families.

3.
Whenever I have any issue with my wife and I go
and tell to my friend’s in our Friday night dinners. My wife tells with her
friends. This complicates things unnecessary. Let us have Crucial conversations
with your spouse/loved ones directly (சிங்கத்தை
கோட்டை யிலேயே சந்திக்கிறது).
Find a time wherein you can talk
objectively either in a public place or coffee shop or park benches when
children are not at home. Please avoid home environment as we may tend to
behave very subjectively in the initial stages of conversations.

4.
Have family time and together time with your
loved ones. We go for morning walks with my wife wherein we discuss our daily
challenges. My coach Ms. Shyla recommends having ritual time with family.

5.
Detoxify from devices. We recently did the
exercise in children’s day to disconnect from all devices. We had a good time
with my daughters.

I found few
articles on this. I am attaching the same in the today’s cheat sheet.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/19jMszuOvBsY2P6Pg5h8d8eh8j2LS3S1w/view?usp=sharing

Conclusion:-

Try to
practice 5 tips in daily basis brings synergy in family. Please share your
ideas in the comments section as well. Synergy in family brings happiness in
home, families and can influence others as well.

To live a
100 years life in marriage(நூறு
வருஷம் இந்த மாப்பிள்ளையும் பெண்ணு
தான்), let us take
Synergy in our hands.

Tips:- Use Talking Stick while having one to one discussion
either in personal or professional setting. This can be used in our daily
conversation with our spouses, teenage daughters/sons, brothers/sisters or with
our mom. This can be used in our team meeting as well.

Foundation of any relationship is deeper level of
understanding. Let’s understand, then to be understood.

Reference:-

Theme for the week: Synergize
– Habit 6 – Courtesy:
Steven Covey’s 7 Habits of highly effective people.

(Start Date 23^rd Nov, End date 29^th Nov –
Saturday to Friday)

Today’s Videos:-

Week’s Video for quick reference.

41 Habit 6: Synergize - Part C: The
Perspective of Humility

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZoDVQ0QES64&list=PLBcoHkB-HjG-9fXnrU6uwnw1ZoGzoVEcB&index=40

40 Habit 6: Synergize - Part B: Creating The Third Alternative

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aijqDiw0iyE&list=PLBcoHkB-HjG-9fXnrU6uwnw1ZoGzoVEcB&index=39

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