EP-40 – 4 Dimensions of Win-Win – Think Win-Win (Habit 4) – Zero to Hero...

வணக்கம்.

Theme for the week (from today till next Friday (15th Nov)) – Think Win-Win (Courtesy: Stephen Covey).

I attended my Mama’s daughter wedding recently. There was a relationship issues, conflict, fights and tears were in the wedding hall. Can you guess, who is the cause for the fights and conflicts?

Is it Bridegroom’s side? No. (That happens mostly in Movies)

Is it any outsiders? No.

Answer in the above case was, her eldest sister. Yes, the eldest sister created the whole mess in the marriage in front of everyone because her own younger sister was put 2 sovereigns of gold compared to her. Her mind-set was full of competition, comparison and conflict.

She did not attend her own sister’s wedding and left the hall with tears in her eyes. In fact, the eldest sister was not poor in any means in terms of wealth. I would say she was poor in Abundance mind-set.

My friend gave his wedding card last week. He is from Madurai (பாசக்கார பசங்க). Along with the wedding invitation, a 40 page booklet was also attached. I could see a booklet as கோனார் தமிழ் உரை of my school days. I browse through the booklet, it even had the name of a male boy who did not even go to Pre-KG. Thinking Abundance mind-set, I mentioned that you got so many relative’s support. Whereas he said, “If he misses any one person name, it would be a commotion in the marriage”. To me it was a scarcity mind-set in action.

Most of the marriages that I have seen fight happen among our own relatives. It could be related to gold, sarees or not including some names in the marriage invitation or some morai (முறை)

I would say, it was all boils down to competition, fight/flight response of our upbringing so on and forth.

We all talk about Abundance mindset and scarcity mindset. Do we really walk our talk on Abundance mindset? I guess most probably the answer is a BIG no.

Abundance or Scarcity mindset?

If you don’t have some grounding in the private victory, it will be difficult to Think Win-Win.

Read each phrase below and mark where you think you are on the continuum.

Abundance Scarcity

I believe there is plenty out there for everybody (e.g., options, success, opportunities, credit). I believe there is only so much, and the more you get, the less there is for me.

I am happy for the successes of others, especially those closet to me. I am threatened by the success of others, especially those closet to me.

I treat everyone with equal respect. I treat people with varying degrees of respect based on position or status.

I find it easy to share recognition and credit. I have a difficult time sharing recognition and credit.

I have a deep inner sense of personal worth and security. I find my sense of self-worth from being compared and from competition.

I would say it all boils down to our parenting, rising up our kids, society, media so on and so forth. Because everything suggests win-lose scripting which we discussed in EP-39 (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oCeMTjyf8kQ&t=417s).

Win-Lose Scripting is based on

• Criticisms

• Comparing

• Complaining

• Competition

We all know about the problems. How to we address win-win.

To have Win-Win, we need to Balance Courage with Consideration

Courage – Willingness and ability to speak your thoughts and feelings

Consideration – Willingness and ability to seek and listen to others’ thoughts and feelings with respect.

Covey suggests 4 steps to win-win.

Part D: The Four Dimensions of Win-Win

1. Character

a. Integrity – Integration around principles, around natural laws, based on conscience

b. Maturity – fruit of integrity

i. Courage balance with consideration,

ii. self-confidence balanced with respect for others

iii. Ego strength based with empathy

iv. I and the whole

c. Abundance mentality – fruit of integrity

i. Not interpret life as a competition / as a contest

ii. No Fight } Doing these create withdrawal from

iii. No compete } Emotional Bank Account

iv. No authority } Your circle of influence will erode away.

v. No power/position } The Ghoose will die. It is too much, unkind and

} wrong. You know it.

2. Relationship

a. Emotional Bank Account – Trust level. Refer EP-35 - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ajmuV6gDta4&t=2s

i. If you follow integrity, Maturity, Abundance – you are in a constant state of making deposit.

ii. If it is not, we talk win-win, they do not necessary feel it.

• It could relate to the proverb “குற்றம் பார்க்கின் சுற்றம் இல்லை” Love thy neighbour as Jesus says.

3. Agreements

a. Commitment that you mutually make with each other – win-win transaction

4. Win-win systems and processes

Strive to create the spirit where everyone can win without comparisons.

Win-Win scripting is based on

• Go for “Win”

• Do your best

• Have team spirit

• Assist people

• Have fun

• Learn to Learn

Habit 4 Think Win-Win brings

• Quality relationships

• Synergistic solutions

• Consensus

• Dynamic happens that is absolutely magical in its effect upon the human spirit

Exercises for today:-

Exercise: 1 – Courage & Consideration

Balance Courage and Consideration

Courage – Willingness and ability to speak your thoughts and feelings

Consideration – Willingness and ability to seek and listen to others’ thoughts and feelings with respect.

Pick one personal and one professional relationship. Think about how you typically interact with them. Rate yourself on courage and consideration by putting their names where they fit on the grid. Refer the cheat sheet. https://drive.google.com/file/d/11yvu5-Ud8sjsAgchZW19wdcSCl4rr7BY/view?usp=sharing

Exercise: 2 - When to think WIN-WIN

When is it appropriate to compete?

__________________________________________________________________________________

Benefits of Competition Challenges of Competition

Remember to think Win-Win, especially:

• In situations of conflict.

• In long-term relationships.

• In interdependent situations.

Exercise: 3 - Seek Mutual Benefit

Choose a relationship/situation that could benefit from win-win thinking. Create a T-chart by answering the questions below.

Name(s)

Situation

What’s a win for you? What’s a win for them?

Today we are at 40th Episode. Your comments, support and confidence are helping me to push forward. எல்லா ஹீரோக்களுக்கும் ஹீரோயின்களுக்கும் நன்றி

Reference:-

Theme for the week: Think Win-Win – Courtesy: Steven Covey’s 7 Habits of highly effective people.

(Start Date 09th Nov, End date 15th Nov – Saturday to Friday)

Today’s Videos:-

Habit 4: Think Win Win - Part D: The Four Dimensions of Win-Win

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kq9LEVXG2X8&list=PLBcoHkB-HjG-9fXnrU6uwnw1ZoGzoVEcB&index=31

Week’s Video for quick reference.

EP-37 Video

29 Habit 4: Think Win Win - Part A: Win-Lose Conditioning

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iEKaYUDEdiA&list=PLBcoHkB-HjG-9fXnrU6uwnw1ZoGzoVEcB&index=29

EP-38 Video

30 Habit 4: Think Win Win - Part B: Believing in Win-Win

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4InT3iJuy2s&list=PLBcoHkB-HjG-9fXnrU6uwnw1ZoGzoVEcB&index=30

EP-39 video (Part C – Starts from 15:50 to 22:30)

7 Habits of Highly Effective People - Habit 4 - Presented by Stephen Covey Himself (Longer version for the whole week) – For Binge Watching Folks –(Starts from 15:50)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SR4Zj2g6Cs0

Articles:-

Habit4: Think Win-Win

https://www.franklincovey.com/the-7-habits/habit-4.html

Books: 7 Habits of highly effective people – Stephen Covey

Cheat Sheet for The 4 Dimensions of Win-Win

https://drive.google.com/file/d/11yvu5-Ud8sjsAgchZW19wdcSCl4rr7BY/view?usp=sharing