எல்லா ஹீரோக்களுக்கும் ஹீரோயின் களுக்கும் வணக்கம்.
I keep Steven covey
as a general theme. Individual episode can be viewed separately for any new
corner. Common Theme for the week (til today (22nd Nov)) -
Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood (Courtesy: Stephen Covey).
as a general theme. Individual episode can be viewed separately for any new
corner. Common Theme for the week (til today (22nd Nov)) -
Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood (Courtesy: Stephen Covey).
Today we are going
to talk about Autobiographical Responses in conversations.
to talk about Autobiographical Responses in conversations.
We would have a
scene Woodwards gripe water ads (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3WY60NqiCFE) in TV.
scene Woodwards gripe water ads (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3WY60NqiCFE) in TV.
We repeat the same
responses in our conversation similar to the woodwards ads. This is what
Stephen covey mentions as Autobiographical Responses in conversation.
responses in our conversation similar to the woodwards ads. This is what
Stephen covey mentions as Autobiographical Responses in conversation.
I am fond of
watching movies from childhood. In those days, watching posters was fun. I used
to watch posters while cycling, got into accidents and spilled / wasted
provisions that I bought from the stores. As soon as I came home, my mother
used to repeat childhood stories (எங்க காலத்துல ஆரம்பித்துடுவாங்க). In fact I am doing the same with my
daughters. Everyone one of us does the same. This pass on generation-to-generation
similar to Woodwards gripe water ad. In fact, my kids recorded my messages and
created a playlist according to the situations so that I do not have to repeat
the same messages again and again. This is what Stephen covey termed as autobiographical
messages.
watching movies from childhood. In those days, watching posters was fun. I used
to watch posters while cycling, got into accidents and spilled / wasted
provisions that I bought from the stores. As soon as I came home, my mother
used to repeat childhood stories (எங்க காலத்துல ஆரம்பித்துடுவாங்க). In fact I am doing the same with my
daughters. Everyone one of us does the same. This pass on generation-to-generation
similar to Woodwards gripe water ad. In fact, my kids recorded my messages and
created a playlist according to the situations so that I do not have to repeat
the same messages again and again. This is what Stephen covey termed as autobiographical
messages.
Most of the
occasions, we do not listen to other person’s view / perspective and we start
repeating our autobiographical responses in conversations similar to the ads.
That is the valuable lesson that I learnt from the ads.
occasions, we do not listen to other person’s view / perspective and we start
repeating our autobiographical responses in conversations similar to the ads.
That is the valuable lesson that I learnt from the ads.
Paradigm:
Ineffective: I listen with the intent
to reply(in some way to Influence, to accomplish their own end)
to reply(in some way to Influence, to accomplish their own end)
Effective: I listen with the intent to understand
(Emphatic listening).
(Emphatic listening).
Priniciple:
To communicate effectively, we must
first understand each other.
first understand each other.
Behaviour
·
Diagnose
Before You Prescribe.
Diagnose
Before You Prescribe.
·
Listen
emphatically.
Listen
emphatically.
·
Seek to be
understood from the other’s perspective.
Seek to be
understood from the other’s perspective.
Result:
·
Greater
influence with others
Greater
influence with others
·
Solutions to
complex problems
Solutions to
complex problems
·
Clarity on
real issues
Clarity on
real issues
·
Faster
problem solving
Faster
problem solving
Autobiographical responses
What is the right
approach:- How to avoid autobiographical responses in conversations.
approach:- How to avoid autobiographical responses in conversations.
One of the biggest obstacles in
interpersonal communication is our tendency to respond autobiographically,
meaning from our own frame of reference. We advise, probe, interpret, and
evaluate others’ messages based on our own experiences and motives.
interpersonal communication is our tendency to respond autobiographically,
meaning from our own frame of reference. We advise, probe, interpret, and
evaluate others’ messages based on our own experiences and motives.
Advising |
Giving counsel, advice, and solutions to problems. |
Probing |
Asking questions from our own frame of reference or agenda. |
Interpreting |
Explaining another’s motives and behaviour based on our own experience; trying to figure people out. |
Evaluating |
Judging, and either agreeing or disagreeing |
36 Habit 5:
Seek First to Understand Then to be Understood - Part C: Autobiographical
Responses
Seek First to Understand Then to be Understood - Part C: Autobiographical
Responses
Lessons
learnt from Video – Part C – Autobiographical (Your life / Your stories)
responses
learnt from Video – Part C – Autobiographical (Your life / Your stories)
responses
·
Alter Ego technique
Alter Ego technique
·
Giving advises
Giving advises
·
Comparing with others
Comparing with others
·
Telling our stories
Telling our stories
·
Get into action planning without understanding
the core issues
Get into action planning without understanding
the core issues
·
Telling our Woodwards gripe water moments
Telling our Woodwards gripe water moments
·
Address / Talk about real feeling inside
Address / Talk about real feeling inside
·
Asking leading questions from our own frame of
reference, your own value system.
Asking leading questions from our own frame of
reference, your own value system.
·
It is about controlling and directing
It is about controlling and directing
·
Show warmth and caring that shows in your eyes
Show warmth and caring that shows in your eyes
·
We generally evaluate – either agree or disagree
We generally evaluate – either agree or disagree
·
Autobiographical is the one of the main reasons
parent do not get close to their kids
Autobiographical is the one of the main reasons
parent do not get close to their kids
·
It tied to Emotional Bank account
It tied to Emotional Bank account
·
Mani rathan’s movie dialogues – mono syllable
Mani rathan’s movie dialogues – mono syllable
·
Our mind
constantly judge, interpret and perceive
Our mind
constantly judge, interpret and perceive
·
30 sec to
judge a person
30 sec to
judge a person
·
RAS filter in
our sub-conscious mind
RAS filter in
our sub-conscious mind
Exercise:-
1.
Record
phrases that illustrate when people are listening through the filter of their
own experiences, needs, paradigms or autobiography.
Record
phrases that illustrate when people are listening through the filter of their
own experiences, needs, paradigms or autobiography.
2.
What is the
impact of using inappropriate autobiographical responses?
What is the
impact of using inappropriate autobiographical responses?
___________________________________________________________________________
Tips:- Use Talking Stick while having one to one discussion
either in personal or professional setting. This can be used in our daily
conversation with our spouses, teenage daughters/sons, brothers/sisters or with
our mom. This can be used in our team meeting as well.
either in personal or professional setting. This can be used in our daily
conversation with our spouses, teenage daughters/sons, brothers/sisters or with
our mom. This can be used in our team meeting as well.
Foundation of any relationship is deeper level of
understanding. Let’s understand, then to be understood.
understanding. Let’s understand, then to be understood.
Reference:-
Theme for the week: Think
Win-Win – Courtesy:
Steven Covey’s 7 Habits of highly effective people.
Win-Win – Courtesy:
Steven Covey’s 7 Habits of highly effective people.
(Start Date 16th Nov, End date 22nd Nov –
Saturday to Friday)
Saturday to Friday)
Today’s Videos:-
36 Habit 5:
Seek First to Understand Then to be Understood - Part C: Autobiographical
Responses
Seek First to Understand Then to be Understood - Part C: Autobiographical
Responses
Week’s Video for quick reference.
7 Habits of
Highly Effective People - Habit 5 - Presented by Stephen Covey Himself (Longer
version for the whole week)
Highly Effective People - Habit 5 - Presented by Stephen Covey Himself (Longer
version for the whole week)
34 Habit 5:
Seek First to Understand Then to be Understood - Part A: Diagnose Before You
Prescribe
Seek First to Understand Then to be Understood - Part A: Diagnose Before You
Prescribe
Video: It's Not About the Nail - (Must watch
for every Husband/wife or every person)
for every Husband/wife or every person)
"Don't
try to fix it. I just need you to listen." Every man has heard these
words. And they are the law of the land. No matter what.
try to fix it. I just need you to listen." Every man has heard these
words. And they are the law of the land. No matter what.
35 Habit 5:
Seek First to Understand Then to be Understood - Part B - Five Levels of
Listening
Seek First to Understand Then to be Understood - Part B - Five Levels of
Listening
Quote for the week to ponder upon:
One
friend, one person who is truly understanding, who takes the trouble to listen
to us as we consider our problem, can change our whole outlook on the world.
friend, one person who is truly understanding, who takes the trouble to listen
to us as we consider our problem, can change our whole outlook on the world.
-
Dr. Elton
Mayo
Dr. Elton
Mayo
Articles:-
HABIT 5: SEEK FIRST TO UNDERSTAND, THEN TO BE UNDERSTOOD
Books: 7 Habits of highly effective people – Stephen Covey
About me:-
EP-0 - Who am I? - Rajesh Narayanan
If you do not know me personally, you can check out this
video
video
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IiuvvMarwOE
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